Power Play

Who ultimately holds the power in a relationship to determine which direction it is going to go, and how soon it's going to get there? Well, the theory goes something like this: it's the person who cares less that holds all the keys, and the other person, who is holding the locks, is hoping and praying that this person with all the power will give them at least one key to work with. Perhaps this is true, but I find this rather selfish. It's toying with people's emotions, and that is just not right. The result is something like this: the one tripping on all the power probably gets a kick out of being in control. And the person with the least amount of power is left out in the cold, feeling insecure and maybe even desperate.

I was told recently that there is always someone who cares less in a relationship. But what if it were possible that both parties cared about each other equally the same? Being an accounting major, I am always looking for ways to balance the equation, for both sides to be equal to each other. Naturally, being told that something is impossible never stopped me from looking for ways it might become possible. Just because it may not have been done before, it doesn't mean its impossible. So I reject this idea that someone always cares less.

For example, what if I wanted to take things super slow in a relationship? And let's say that on the surface, for all intents and purposes, it looked like I had the most power, cause it appeared that I cared less. But the other person wants to take things at the speed of light. Well, I may be an anomily, but I see myself as having only 3 options at this point. I can exert my power and put the brakes on and make this person bow, in a manner of speaking, to my will. Or, I can try to reason with this person, and reach a compromise, where we are going neither fast nor slow. Or I can lay down my will all together, and defer to this person's will. What would be ideal, is after having deferred to this person, they would then want to defer to me a little bit. I don't really know how all this would play out. I still think its possible for each party to care about the other party equally the same. In all of this shifting of power, we must remember that Love is not primarily an emotion, but an act of the will. It's a choice.

I'm sure I could expound on this, but I am just going to leave this topic with one last thought. If you truly love someone, you won't be seeking to have the power in the first place, even if you did care less. You would always be wanting to give the power back to the other person. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander