Playing Games

I love to play games. I always have, probably always will. I will usually play any new game at least once. And if I really like the game, I can play it over and over without getting bored. Of course, it's always fun to mix it up and play a variety of games at any one given time. I guess, for me, playing games is a safe way to be adventurous and daring, without anyone getting hurt. It's even possible to play a game entirely inside your head, as happens in the classic RPGs - Role Playing Games, like Dunegeons and Dragons. Yes, I even play D&D sometimes. Now, I don't want to spend too much time talking about D&D, but I think its worth saying that, at least for me, I grew up in the church being told that it was bad, even evil, to play it. Now that I am 32, and have tried it for myself, I do not belive this fear of D&D is grounded in anything real. It is what you make of it, and is innocent, unless you have evil intentions. That's all I am going to say about that.

So the question I am going to raise here is, is playing games just a simple diversion, or is there some other values to be learned from playing games? Well, I don't think its any secret what point of view I take. I wouldn't be playing games unless I thought they had tremendous value. Besides the obvious diversion that games create, I do not believe that its necessarily escapism we are seeking when we play games. The games that we need to play with others create a social outlet, and can create a sense of community, and a feeling of connectedness with others. Games can even be a great way to break the ice with people you don't know, and games possibly bring people out of their shells. Games can also generate a healthy sense of competition.

Ah, but thats not all. There are also collaborative games, where either everyone loses, or everyone wins. This gives a sense of community and teamwork, and I believe this is a great life skill to have. Now you are not fighting each other, but fighting to defeat the scary monsters, or you are trying to get off an island that is sinking. Some games are thinking games, and exercise our brains. In general, I believe games can keep us young at heart, and that can't be a bad thing.

Now let me shift gears, and ask you this: is there any time when playing games may not be a good thing, and can even be harmful? I'm glad you asked. I believe there is at least one area of life where game playing is prevalent, but not always helpful in acheiving the result you might want. I will tell you why I believe this is true, but let me tell you which area of life I think this is happening in first. I think we all play games in the area of relationships, both romantic and platonic. You know what I am talking about. So the rest of this post will focus on why we do this in the area of relationships, specifically, romantic relationships.

Let me first talk about why we play these games in the first place. It may seem like the answer is obvious, but I also think it is pretty complex. I think its based in fear. That's the simple answer. Let's dig deeper though, and ask ourselves, what are we afraid of? Well, again, I think we are afraid that if the other person really saw us for who we really are, not who we are pretending to be, the person wouldn't like what they saw and would walk away. You may agree with me or not on this, but let me ask you another question: Why in the world do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't like the real you anyway? As a wise woman told me, some people are genuinely attracted to sincerity. If you will just risk letting down your guard, you may, in the end, find that one person who sees you, and loves you just the way you are. There is great freedom in this. You no longer have to wear a mask, and there would be no more fear of getting shot down or rejected. This is my personal theory, and what I try to live by. Just be yourself, and those who see the real you will be found, and they will stick with you through good and bad times. You just can't buy a treasure like that.

But, you say, I really like this person.... I can't lose him (or her). I will do anything to keep them, even if it means not being true to myself. Believe me, I understand this perspective so well. The funny thing is, the harder I have tried to hold on to someone, the more they slipped through my fingers. If I have learned anything from all this heartbreak, it is that love, the real kind of love, is an open hand, not an ever tightening fist. It sounds trite and cliche', but the truth is, if you really love someone, you have to let them go. And it's only if they stay with you that you know they love you too.

Everyone has value, and there is no replacing any single person with another. I think we all innately know this. We are scared that we will lose a piece of ourselves, the piece the other person brings out in us, if we honestly let them go. So we play games with each other. These are not friendly games, though. These kind of games hurt us and others. Is it ever ok to play games in relationships? Well maybe, but probably more in the sense of a collaborative game, then a competitive game.

I guess you could say that building a relationship is like playing a game, like building blocks. Or I know relationships are often times equated to a game of poker. "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run." Ok, thats enough singing for now. The point is, I believe that it is true that you can't just show all your "cards" at once to the other player. But you do have to show your cards eventually if you want to get to the next level. I don't think, though, that knowing when to hold back your cards, and when to show a new card or two, is really playing a game at all. I think its just being wise, and having discretion. After all, its important to guard our hearts, both for guys and girls, until you know that person isn't going to walk away at the first sign of some weirdness you might have.

And I will end this post with one word of caution, or advice. It is never wise, I believe, to assume that someone feels something for you if they don't actually say the words. You may suspect how they feel by the way they are acting, or the way they look at you, or things they do. But until someone says "I like you", or "I love you", don't just assume anything. Of course, this word of caution comes from my own personal experience, and may not be true for everyone. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal... enjoy =)

by: Crystal Nylander