"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16. I have not been in the habit of quoting Scripture for you all in this blog, but I will quote this verse. This is probably the most well known verse in the Bible, and probably the most popular. But what does it mean? Well let me break it down for you, and see if we can disect it enough to get to the pure source of the meaning.
"For God so loved the world...." Stop here for a second. Let's think about this. What is the world? Is it just people? Is it just animals? Is it just plants and rocks? No, it's all of the above and so much more. It's life. Its a cup of coffee with a good friend. It's reading a good book snuggled under a blanket on a rainy day. It's life at its most pure and simple. That's what I believe God is saying that He loves here. Let's move on.
"that He gave His only begotten Son...." What the heck?! He loved the world that much? To give up what should have been considered His most prized possesion? Wow. Soak this knowledge in for just this moment. Do you realize what this means? You and I mean more to God than His own SON!!! What parent would ever give their child up for anyone or anything else? It's ludicrous. And yet God does it with a smile on His face. This is what I am beginning to understand about the gospel, folks. It's wildly absurd and wildly joyous. And Jesus went right along with it, cause He agreed with God that we, us humans, were of the utmost value to both God and Jesus. I digress. Next section.
"that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life." Ok, what are you supposed to believe here? I think, and you are free to disagree, but I think that we have to believe this verse means just what its saying. God loves us enough to send His Son Jesus to die for us to take away our sins. That's it. Just believe, and you will have everlasting life and you won't perish. But what does it mean to perish? Again, this is just a thought, but I think it means to pretty much just throw your life away and to have no meaning. So you can perish while you are still walking around on this planet. You don't have to die to do that.
And in a nutshell, I have just conveyed to you the true gospel. So what's with the title of this post being "Pursued"? Well, I have had a theory for some time that once you make that deal with God, once you make that commitment, and go all in, He takes you seriously as if you really meant it, and He holds you to your end of the bargain. He certainly isn't letting me just do whatever the hell I want.
See, if you are paying attention at all to my blog, you will have noticed that I was very angry with God. I even wrote a post about it. I was ready to wreak havoc on my life, not care a hoot about my reputation or the consequences, and be completely happy doing it. God has stopped me in my tracks. This tells me that He loves me too much to let me do it. Sure I could break loose and still do things, but he has kinda arm wrestled me to the ground long enough to give me pause. He is being very gentle but firm with me, reminding me that I belong to Him. He is bringing out the contractual agreement, showing me where I signed my life away to Him. He is jealous for me, and he is not going to sit by and let this slide.
Folks, I have never felt more loved by God than I do now. He has got me in a bear hug and He just isn't letting me go. It's not like He thought He was going to lose me. But he knew my heart for a moment was ready to turn away from him and run in the other direction. I would have been changed forever, and perhaps not for the good. He is the great pursuer of mankind. I am just one of the easier ones to catch because I already love God so much. I am open to His suggestions. What will you hear if you just open your heart a little bit to Him? He is coming after you, and He will find you, if you let Him. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Eating Disorders and Control
Control is an illusion. It doesn't exist. Never has, never will. Sure, you put your hands on the wheel of your vehicle and by turning the wheel this way and that, you can tell it whichever way you want it to go. But you have no real control of whether that car is going to keep running from one moment to the next. The same is true of your life. You don't know if in the next moment you are going to choke on a piece of lettuce, or if you are just going stop breathing for no reason at all. You can't control the beating of your own heart.
And yet that is exactly what an eating disorder is trying to achieve: control. Control of what? Control of one's self, of one's environment and control of other people. What do I mean? Well, controlling one's self is simple enough. I can seemingly control how much I digest into my system, or throw back up again, depending on which eating disorder we are talking about here. Controlling the environment and other people kinda go hand in hand. See, what most women secretly believe is that if they can just achieve the perfect look, then their lives will just fall into place. Doors will just magically open up to them. People will be kind, loving and respectful to the smart, sexy, lady. And if a woman looks put together, she will probably have more job opportunities. Probably the most important aspect of all this for me has been the hope of finding the perfect relationship. It is the holy grail of life for me, and why I still hold on to my personal eating disorder, so that I can bring it out in case I ever need it.
Yet, in our heart of hearts, we know this is a lie. Beauty does not equal opportunity, and it certainly does not bring happiness. No amount of control in my life is going to make someone love me. I find I get better results when I am just honest and genuine. People respond to an open hand, not a clenched, controlling fist.
So if we know that eating disorders are so bad for us and do not give us the results we want, why do we turn to them? Let me get personal and tell you why I did it, continue to do it, and will always hold that eating disorder card in my back pocket. I have always stated the obvious reason: control. But it's more nuanced than that. I speak of love being the holy grail for me. For me, I thought if I could just be the thinnest girl in any room, it meant I was the most desirable by men (not true), and that I would be the envy of all women (maybe true). Being beautiful meant, and still does mean, everything to me. I have just found a different way of defining what true beauty is so that it fits into my chaotic life. Now I focus on the inner beauty of my heart, and I find it shining out of my life till it comes out of me physically. Whether you are ready to hear this or not, I am a knock out gorgeous fox, and I mean that physically. I have a heart of gold, and that makes me the pure in heart and beautiful on the inside. But I have acheived my goal of being beautiful on the outside as well, and I have done it better than I ever imagined. I did it without even trying. And there in lies the key. But lets put the key down for a second. The simple fact is, even if no other guy sees me as beautiful (oh but they do) and even if no other woman but myself thought I was pretty, I would be happy. I am no longer trying to please anyone else but myself, and that is the key to all of this.
So I would like to end this post simply by saying that I know you women out there are hurting. And maybe even some of you men struggle with this too. You don't have to. I will struggle with this all the days of my life, cause its in my nature. But every time it gets hard, I just pick up my pretty key, and unlock the door into a world filled with the things I have filled it with. Your world will be different, but no less beautiful. Please don't let this thing called eating disorder destroy you. Remember, you gotta eat to live. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
And yet that is exactly what an eating disorder is trying to achieve: control. Control of what? Control of one's self, of one's environment and control of other people. What do I mean? Well, controlling one's self is simple enough. I can seemingly control how much I digest into my system, or throw back up again, depending on which eating disorder we are talking about here. Controlling the environment and other people kinda go hand in hand. See, what most women secretly believe is that if they can just achieve the perfect look, then their lives will just fall into place. Doors will just magically open up to them. People will be kind, loving and respectful to the smart, sexy, lady. And if a woman looks put together, she will probably have more job opportunities. Probably the most important aspect of all this for me has been the hope of finding the perfect relationship. It is the holy grail of life for me, and why I still hold on to my personal eating disorder, so that I can bring it out in case I ever need it.
Yet, in our heart of hearts, we know this is a lie. Beauty does not equal opportunity, and it certainly does not bring happiness. No amount of control in my life is going to make someone love me. I find I get better results when I am just honest and genuine. People respond to an open hand, not a clenched, controlling fist.
So if we know that eating disorders are so bad for us and do not give us the results we want, why do we turn to them? Let me get personal and tell you why I did it, continue to do it, and will always hold that eating disorder card in my back pocket. I have always stated the obvious reason: control. But it's more nuanced than that. I speak of love being the holy grail for me. For me, I thought if I could just be the thinnest girl in any room, it meant I was the most desirable by men (not true), and that I would be the envy of all women (maybe true). Being beautiful meant, and still does mean, everything to me. I have just found a different way of defining what true beauty is so that it fits into my chaotic life. Now I focus on the inner beauty of my heart, and I find it shining out of my life till it comes out of me physically. Whether you are ready to hear this or not, I am a knock out gorgeous fox, and I mean that physically. I have a heart of gold, and that makes me the pure in heart and beautiful on the inside. But I have acheived my goal of being beautiful on the outside as well, and I have done it better than I ever imagined. I did it without even trying. And there in lies the key. But lets put the key down for a second. The simple fact is, even if no other guy sees me as beautiful (oh but they do) and even if no other woman but myself thought I was pretty, I would be happy. I am no longer trying to please anyone else but myself, and that is the key to all of this.
So I would like to end this post simply by saying that I know you women out there are hurting. And maybe even some of you men struggle with this too. You don't have to. I will struggle with this all the days of my life, cause its in my nature. But every time it gets hard, I just pick up my pretty key, and unlock the door into a world filled with the things I have filled it with. Your world will be different, but no less beautiful. Please don't let this thing called eating disorder destroy you. Remember, you gotta eat to live. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Why I love Twilight
Ok, so now I am getting REALLY controversial. Especially since I am coming at most topics from a Christian perspective, and the Twilight books are looked at as being anything but Christian. But before you, born again believing Christian that you are, judge this book, let me try to defend it, and tell you exactly what it means to me. You may at the end of this post think I am truly crazy, and that I have lost it. But this is about being honestly truthful and showing you my perspective. Take it or leave it, you can't deny or discredit my own experience.
Just to preface, I will tell you a little bit about the Twilight series. Bottom line, its about vampires and humans that shape shift into wolves. Sounds like your typical vampire story? It's anything but. There is the main plot of the story where one of the vampires, Edward, and a human girl, Bella, fall in love with each other. They are tortured by a dilema. How can they stay together when Edward wants to "eat" Bella all the time? They conclude by saying they are very foolish and stupid, even masochistic, but that they love each other and they are going to work things out. Then the rest of the story in the all 4 books plays out, based on this plot. There are dangers to be had, and life and limb is risked, just so they can stay together.
Now let me tell you why I was so touched by this story. In an emotional way, it reached me at the core of my being. Why? Because for all intents and puposes, Bella's character describes how I feel about just about everything. She wants to fight for the safety of her family. So do I. She wants to disappear and be invisible. So do I. She loves one man (even though he is a vampire) with all her might, and she gave everything to him. And the fear of losing him overpowered her. I have done this too. Bella and I have shared experience. The only real difference between her and myself is that she lives in a magical world full of vampires. We know that vampires don't exist. But all her emotions are the same as mine. And I believe that what is interpreted as her weakness, is actually where she has the most strength. Namely she loves with everything she has, till it looks like she has no power left. But that's exactly where she gets her power from.
You see, I lost the man I wanted more than anything in the world. Thats where Bella's and my world part. Her story, I would like to think, is what my life could have been if the man, Bill, would have come back to me. So my story is what Bella's might have looked like if she had been truly given the opportunity to live without Edward. Yes, there was a big hole in her chest, so to speak, when Edward told her he didn't want her in his life. But she may have learned with time to love someone else, and to find perhaps an even deeper love and joy than she could have imagined.
This is a very current topic with me, since I just realized yesterday that I am still very much in love with Bill, and probably doomed to be for the rest of my life. You see, by a random chance, or what I like to call a terrible God moment, I saw Bill for the first time in many years. It was just a glance. That's all it took. And the flood gates opened, and I was back to being very much in love with him. Yes, all it took was a glance. But this time, my life isn't going to fall apart. Why? because I have friends who accept me as I am, and I can talk to them about anything. So I will, for the first time, let others support me through this trying time I am going through.
Back to Twilight though. What else I like about the story is that it is very much about good vs. evil. Not just external evil, but internal as well. You see, it is true that vampires are killers by nature. But the Cullen clan doesn't feed off of humans. They restrain their thirst, and drink the blood of animals instead. They fight the very natural but evil tendencies that they have to kill humans, and they become better because of it. This, to me, is the ultimate good and evil fight. We all have evil desires in our hearts. We are not basically good. We are sinners, and we do the wrong thing. Sure, some of us are better than others, and the evil in our hearts doesn't come out that much. But we all have great potential to do bad things.
So those are my thoughts on this Twilight book series. You may think I have just gone off the deep end with all of this. After all, isn't it just a book? My church has said that reading these books is a bad thing, and to stay away from them. But the fact is, I learned more about myself by reading Twilight then years of going to church. Am I being sacreligious? Am I being heretical? I don't think so. I am just being honest. God will speak to you in whatever way He has to to touch your heart. If he has to do it through a book other than the Bible, cause you just aren't reading it anymore, then He will. If he needs to speak to you through a movie cause thats all you do is watch movies, then He will. The point is, God has no limitations in the ways He will reach out to you. So I guess I started this post by talking about vampires, but I will end it by telling you that God loves you. He loved me enough to inspire Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight books, to write a story that God knew would touch me in such a powerful way. I am not really advocating looking for God in anything other than the Bible and at church. What I am saying is let God meet you exactly where you are. Seek Him with every fiber of your being, and He will reveal Himself to you in ways you can't imagine. He will break down your defenses to get to you, and that's the truth. Just let Him in. Thank you for bearing with me on this post. These are just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Just to preface, I will tell you a little bit about the Twilight series. Bottom line, its about vampires and humans that shape shift into wolves. Sounds like your typical vampire story? It's anything but. There is the main plot of the story where one of the vampires, Edward, and a human girl, Bella, fall in love with each other. They are tortured by a dilema. How can they stay together when Edward wants to "eat" Bella all the time? They conclude by saying they are very foolish and stupid, even masochistic, but that they love each other and they are going to work things out. Then the rest of the story in the all 4 books plays out, based on this plot. There are dangers to be had, and life and limb is risked, just so they can stay together.
Now let me tell you why I was so touched by this story. In an emotional way, it reached me at the core of my being. Why? Because for all intents and puposes, Bella's character describes how I feel about just about everything. She wants to fight for the safety of her family. So do I. She wants to disappear and be invisible. So do I. She loves one man (even though he is a vampire) with all her might, and she gave everything to him. And the fear of losing him overpowered her. I have done this too. Bella and I have shared experience. The only real difference between her and myself is that she lives in a magical world full of vampires. We know that vampires don't exist. But all her emotions are the same as mine. And I believe that what is interpreted as her weakness, is actually where she has the most strength. Namely she loves with everything she has, till it looks like she has no power left. But that's exactly where she gets her power from.
You see, I lost the man I wanted more than anything in the world. Thats where Bella's and my world part. Her story, I would like to think, is what my life could have been if the man, Bill, would have come back to me. So my story is what Bella's might have looked like if she had been truly given the opportunity to live without Edward. Yes, there was a big hole in her chest, so to speak, when Edward told her he didn't want her in his life. But she may have learned with time to love someone else, and to find perhaps an even deeper love and joy than she could have imagined.
This is a very current topic with me, since I just realized yesterday that I am still very much in love with Bill, and probably doomed to be for the rest of my life. You see, by a random chance, or what I like to call a terrible God moment, I saw Bill for the first time in many years. It was just a glance. That's all it took. And the flood gates opened, and I was back to being very much in love with him. Yes, all it took was a glance. But this time, my life isn't going to fall apart. Why? because I have friends who accept me as I am, and I can talk to them about anything. So I will, for the first time, let others support me through this trying time I am going through.
Back to Twilight though. What else I like about the story is that it is very much about good vs. evil. Not just external evil, but internal as well. You see, it is true that vampires are killers by nature. But the Cullen clan doesn't feed off of humans. They restrain their thirst, and drink the blood of animals instead. They fight the very natural but evil tendencies that they have to kill humans, and they become better because of it. This, to me, is the ultimate good and evil fight. We all have evil desires in our hearts. We are not basically good. We are sinners, and we do the wrong thing. Sure, some of us are better than others, and the evil in our hearts doesn't come out that much. But we all have great potential to do bad things.
So those are my thoughts on this Twilight book series. You may think I have just gone off the deep end with all of this. After all, isn't it just a book? My church has said that reading these books is a bad thing, and to stay away from them. But the fact is, I learned more about myself by reading Twilight then years of going to church. Am I being sacreligious? Am I being heretical? I don't think so. I am just being honest. God will speak to you in whatever way He has to to touch your heart. If he has to do it through a book other than the Bible, cause you just aren't reading it anymore, then He will. If he needs to speak to you through a movie cause thats all you do is watch movies, then He will. The point is, God has no limitations in the ways He will reach out to you. So I guess I started this post by talking about vampires, but I will end it by telling you that God loves you. He loved me enough to inspire Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight books, to write a story that God knew would touch me in such a powerful way. I am not really advocating looking for God in anything other than the Bible and at church. What I am saying is let God meet you exactly where you are. Seek Him with every fiber of your being, and He will reveal Himself to you in ways you can't imagine. He will break down your defenses to get to you, and that's the truth. Just let Him in. Thank you for bearing with me on this post. These are just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Monday, October 15, 2012
The List
We all have one. It's a list of what the perfect guy or girl should be like that we want to meet and marry some day. It might consist of something like: 1) Can make me laugh 2.) Has similar beliefs as me 3.) Is kind 4.) Likes to play games. I'm sure your list will be different then, say, my list, but you get the general idea. At what point, though, do we budge on the list, and accept the person for who they are, even if they don't meet all our "requirements"? Well, first of all, you and I are never going to find that perfect person, cause they don't exist.
There is nothing wrong with having high standards. I happen to have very high standards. But over time, I have realized that I just can't fit someone in my "perfect" box and expect them to be themselves. They would be trying too hard to please me, and things just wouldn't flow like they are supposed to in a relationship. So although I hold out hope for finding the perfect guy for me some day, I know he is going to be just a man. So what should I do with my list in the event that I find the guy I have always been looking for? Do I throw it away? Well, in some cases that might be the best option. But more likely, it would be best to decide what you must have in this person and what is negotiable.
For example, you may have a requirement that says he, or she, must be faithful to me at all cost, and they can't cheat ever. Thats a good thing to need. You may want to keep that on the list and not budge on it. But if another item on your list is, they must be a certain height or weight, you may want to reconsider this. Because, eventually, we all lose our looks. And what your left with is the inside of the person. And that is more priceless than gold.
I don't have much else to say on this, other than lets accept each other for who we really are, and choose our friends wisely. For those who you associate with is what you become. Its just the power of influence others have on us. Also, if you want to meet the right person, you gotta be the right person. That doesn't mean you have to become proficient in all home-making tasks. It just means you need to work on your attitude towards things and people. It may be the physical that initially attracts us to someone, but it is the spirit of the person that is going to keep us with them. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
There is nothing wrong with having high standards. I happen to have very high standards. But over time, I have realized that I just can't fit someone in my "perfect" box and expect them to be themselves. They would be trying too hard to please me, and things just wouldn't flow like they are supposed to in a relationship. So although I hold out hope for finding the perfect guy for me some day, I know he is going to be just a man. So what should I do with my list in the event that I find the guy I have always been looking for? Do I throw it away? Well, in some cases that might be the best option. But more likely, it would be best to decide what you must have in this person and what is negotiable.
For example, you may have a requirement that says he, or she, must be faithful to me at all cost, and they can't cheat ever. Thats a good thing to need. You may want to keep that on the list and not budge on it. But if another item on your list is, they must be a certain height or weight, you may want to reconsider this. Because, eventually, we all lose our looks. And what your left with is the inside of the person. And that is more priceless than gold.
I don't have much else to say on this, other than lets accept each other for who we really are, and choose our friends wisely. For those who you associate with is what you become. Its just the power of influence others have on us. Also, if you want to meet the right person, you gotta be the right person. That doesn't mean you have to become proficient in all home-making tasks. It just means you need to work on your attitude towards things and people. It may be the physical that initially attracts us to someone, but it is the spirit of the person that is going to keep us with them. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Friday, October 12, 2012
Favorite Things
Ok, so this blog is about me and my thoughts. So allow me to be a little self-indulgent, and assume that you might actually want to hear about me. So I am going to attempt to make a list of my favorite things.
My favorite animal is the fox, but I think I mentioned that already. My favorite bird is the peacock. I think they are majestic and just beautiful. My favorite flower is the daffodil, followed by a close second of hydrangeas, all the colors. My favorite state is Hawaii. My favorite state of mind is Peace. My favorite character in the Bible is Joseph, aside from Jesus of course. My favorite book in the Bible is Romans. My favorite verse in the Bible is Psalm 37:4.... I guess you will just have to look it up. My favorite color is violet, followed closely by pink.
If I had to move to a different state of my choice, I think I would choose Oregon. The pet I would love to have the most is a dog, followed closely by a cat. Cat's are easier to maintain though. My favorite movie is Lord of the Rings. And that is also my favorite book. My favorite singer right now is Madilyn Bailey. Never heard of her? Look her up on youtube! If I had to choose between the mountains and the beach, I would choose the beach. My favorite sport is volleyball. But if I could only choose one form of exercise, it would be swimming. I love reddish brown hair, and if I ever change my hair color, thats probably what I will change it to. My favorite toy as a kid was My Little Pony, and I still have a few today. My favorite activity is having parties. My favorite thing to do in my free time is listen to music. If I had a super power, I think I would choose flying. My favorite word right now is Classy. My favorite number is 4.
My favorite fairy tale is The Little Mermaid, followed by a close second of Beauty and the Beast. My favorite television show right now is Once Upon a Time. I love my eggs over easy. And my favorite breakfast food is crepes with sour cream and strawberries. My favorite smell is sweet pea. I love hugs and kisses. My favorite kind of chocolate is Dove. Well, I think thats enough favorites for now. I will try to think of some more in the future. Thanks for reading though! Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal =)
by: Crystal Nylander
My favorite animal is the fox, but I think I mentioned that already. My favorite bird is the peacock. I think they are majestic and just beautiful. My favorite flower is the daffodil, followed by a close second of hydrangeas, all the colors. My favorite state is Hawaii. My favorite state of mind is Peace. My favorite character in the Bible is Joseph, aside from Jesus of course. My favorite book in the Bible is Romans. My favorite verse in the Bible is Psalm 37:4.... I guess you will just have to look it up. My favorite color is violet, followed closely by pink.
If I had to move to a different state of my choice, I think I would choose Oregon. The pet I would love to have the most is a dog, followed closely by a cat. Cat's are easier to maintain though. My favorite movie is Lord of the Rings. And that is also my favorite book. My favorite singer right now is Madilyn Bailey. Never heard of her? Look her up on youtube! If I had to choose between the mountains and the beach, I would choose the beach. My favorite sport is volleyball. But if I could only choose one form of exercise, it would be swimming. I love reddish brown hair, and if I ever change my hair color, thats probably what I will change it to. My favorite toy as a kid was My Little Pony, and I still have a few today. My favorite activity is having parties. My favorite thing to do in my free time is listen to music. If I had a super power, I think I would choose flying. My favorite word right now is Classy. My favorite number is 4.
My favorite fairy tale is The Little Mermaid, followed by a close second of Beauty and the Beast. My favorite television show right now is Once Upon a Time. I love my eggs over easy. And my favorite breakfast food is crepes with sour cream and strawberries. My favorite smell is sweet pea. I love hugs and kisses. My favorite kind of chocolate is Dove. Well, I think thats enough favorites for now. I will try to think of some more in the future. Thanks for reading though! Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal =)
by: Crystal Nylander
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Servant's Heart
What does it mean to have a servant's heart? Does it mean that you let others use you in whatever manner they please? Well, I think what I have stumbled on in this area may surprise you. Jesus told us in the Bible that the first shall be last and the last shall be first. But He didn't stop there. He told us that in order to find your life, you have to lose it. And that if you want to be greatest in the Kingdom of God, you have to be the least. I think Jesus knew something that many of us find counter-intuitive. You won't find true happiness and contentment until you stop focusing on yourself, and start focusing on another person, or persons, as the case may be.
I still have yet to truly find my "purpose" in life, and the one cause that I can devote my life to. I remain optimistic that God will reveal this to me when the time comes. In the mean time, I think the best thing I can do for myself is to just befriend those God has put in my path, and show them that they are truly one of a kind, and loved deeply by their Creator. So in a strange sense, when I am serving my fellow mankind, I am actually serving myself, and God. It's all backwards, but trust me, for some reason, I get the biggest kick out of seeing other people happy. And if I have been part of that happiness for people, I feel my heart swell with joy, and I am incredibly content.
I'm not saying I have this down to a science. And I definitely screw up in this area so many times a day that its embarrassing. I'm not a saint. But I do think, from time to time, I do get it right. The Church is equated to a body, and is called the body of Christ. What does this have to do with anything? Well, what may be my calling may not be yours. The body has many different functioning parts and they all need to do their different tasks. So whereas, I may be more hands on, you may be more in the shadows, doing things that no one will ever see, but that benefit reaches far and wide. Or you could be up front and center, where everyone can see you, doing great things that way. I just hope and pray we will all start on this quest to find where our place in the body is, and to be the best part of that body we can be. That's truly being a servant at heart. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal =)
by: Crystal Nylander
I still have yet to truly find my "purpose" in life, and the one cause that I can devote my life to. I remain optimistic that God will reveal this to me when the time comes. In the mean time, I think the best thing I can do for myself is to just befriend those God has put in my path, and show them that they are truly one of a kind, and loved deeply by their Creator. So in a strange sense, when I am serving my fellow mankind, I am actually serving myself, and God. It's all backwards, but trust me, for some reason, I get the biggest kick out of seeing other people happy. And if I have been part of that happiness for people, I feel my heart swell with joy, and I am incredibly content.
I'm not saying I have this down to a science. And I definitely screw up in this area so many times a day that its embarrassing. I'm not a saint. But I do think, from time to time, I do get it right. The Church is equated to a body, and is called the body of Christ. What does this have to do with anything? Well, what may be my calling may not be yours. The body has many different functioning parts and they all need to do their different tasks. So whereas, I may be more hands on, you may be more in the shadows, doing things that no one will ever see, but that benefit reaches far and wide. Or you could be up front and center, where everyone can see you, doing great things that way. I just hope and pray we will all start on this quest to find where our place in the body is, and to be the best part of that body we can be. That's truly being a servant at heart. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal =)
by: Crystal Nylander
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Power Play
Who ultimately holds the power in a relationship to determine which direction it is going to go, and how soon it's going to get there? Well, the theory goes something like this: it's the person who cares less that holds all the keys, and the other person, who is holding the locks, is hoping and praying that this person with all the power will give them at least one key to work with. Perhaps this is true, but I find this rather selfish. It's toying with people's emotions, and that is just not right. The result is something like this: the one tripping on all the power probably gets a kick out of being in control. And the person with the least amount of power is left out in the cold, feeling insecure and maybe even desperate.
I was told recently that there is always someone who cares less in a relationship. But what if it were possible that both parties cared about each other equally the same? Being an accounting major, I am always looking for ways to balance the equation, for both sides to be equal to each other. Naturally, being told that something is impossible never stopped me from looking for ways it might become possible. Just because it may not have been done before, it doesn't mean its impossible. So I reject this idea that someone always cares less.
For example, what if I wanted to take things super slow in a relationship? And let's say that on the surface, for all intents and purposes, it looked like I had the most power, cause it appeared that I cared less. But the other person wants to take things at the speed of light. Well, I may be an anomily, but I see myself as having only 3 options at this point. I can exert my power and put the brakes on and make this person bow, in a manner of speaking, to my will. Or, I can try to reason with this person, and reach a compromise, where we are going neither fast nor slow. Or I can lay down my will all together, and defer to this person's will. What would be ideal, is after having deferred to this person, they would then want to defer to me a little bit. I don't really know how all this would play out. I still think its possible for each party to care about the other party equally the same. In all of this shifting of power, we must remember that Love is not primarily an emotion, but an act of the will. It's a choice.
I'm sure I could expound on this, but I am just going to leave this topic with one last thought. If you truly love someone, you won't be seeking to have the power in the first place, even if you did care less. You would always be wanting to give the power back to the other person. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
I was told recently that there is always someone who cares less in a relationship. But what if it were possible that both parties cared about each other equally the same? Being an accounting major, I am always looking for ways to balance the equation, for both sides to be equal to each other. Naturally, being told that something is impossible never stopped me from looking for ways it might become possible. Just because it may not have been done before, it doesn't mean its impossible. So I reject this idea that someone always cares less.
For example, what if I wanted to take things super slow in a relationship? And let's say that on the surface, for all intents and purposes, it looked like I had the most power, cause it appeared that I cared less. But the other person wants to take things at the speed of light. Well, I may be an anomily, but I see myself as having only 3 options at this point. I can exert my power and put the brakes on and make this person bow, in a manner of speaking, to my will. Or, I can try to reason with this person, and reach a compromise, where we are going neither fast nor slow. Or I can lay down my will all together, and defer to this person's will. What would be ideal, is after having deferred to this person, they would then want to defer to me a little bit. I don't really know how all this would play out. I still think its possible for each party to care about the other party equally the same. In all of this shifting of power, we must remember that Love is not primarily an emotion, but an act of the will. It's a choice.
I'm sure I could expound on this, but I am just going to leave this topic with one last thought. If you truly love someone, you won't be seeking to have the power in the first place, even if you did care less. You would always be wanting to give the power back to the other person. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Let's talk about....
Fantasy... what comes to mind when you hear this word? Ah, yes I know what is the first thought that comes to your mind... it might be fun to talk about "that" some day. Oh alright, you talked me into it. Why not talk about "it"? It is on everyone's minds anyway. And I have been fairly candid about my views on other things, so why not this? If you are still in the dark at this point about what I am talking about, I guess I will just spell it out for you.... the topic of this post is sex. Before I stop justifying why this is a valid thing to discuss, let me just say that sex is a God given gift. And let me take it a step further and say this: I believe that sex is very spiritual, as well as being physical and emotional. Sex is spiritual... what?? Absolutely. Why do I say this? Well the bible tells us that when a man a woman come together in that way, they become one flesh. There has to be something supernatural happening for 2 to equal 1. That is breaking the laws of physics and mathematics. But funny enough, it may not be breaking the laws of chemistry, since 2 molecules can combine all the time in chemistry. I think that's the reason God set up the parameters He did, with Him saying that sex should only happen in a loving, committed relationship. It's not to take away our fun. It was designed to be more "fun" in the setting God put into place.
But what's the reality of the situation? For reasons I don't understand, it seems to be what I hear, that after you get married, sex becomes obsolete, and couples don't have sex that often. So most people say, hey, get your kicks while you can and have sex with as many people as possible, cause after you get married, you won't have sex anymore. Why is this happening? Listen up women, cause I am about to get really tough on you. STOP saying you have headaches! STOP saying you are too busy! STOP making excuses. If you are married, your husband needs you in this area. You didn't get married to just have your own needs met, did you? STOP being so selfish! Men need sex, and they are not trying to make you feel like an object. Give them a little bit of credit, that they might actually LOVE you! Oh, and one more thing... STOP LYING to yourself. Women, you need sex too.
I don't know where this stupid double standard came from. There is one standard for men, it appears, and a completely different standard set up by society, and the church, for women. Men are told either subliminally, or blatantly, that its hip and masculine to go out and have as many "conquests" as possible. They are told that the more women they sleep with, the more masculine they are. But women are told to defend their 'honor", and that sex is "bad" and its dirty. I am making generalizations. There are always exceptions to the rule. I do not believe that sex should be liberal, and that in order to free ourselves, we should just sleep with whoever is in our path. But I do not believe either that this desire to have sex should be so repressed that you won't even talk about it anymore.
I don't know what else to say about this. I am not an expert, so many of you may not want to even listen to me. I'm sorry for being so harsh about this. I just find it disturbing that this whole issue has been so flipped on its head. Get over it... sex is not a bad thing. And its not dirty either. At least not in and of itself. Like everything, sex is what you make of it, and do with it. It's all about your intentions. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
But what's the reality of the situation? For reasons I don't understand, it seems to be what I hear, that after you get married, sex becomes obsolete, and couples don't have sex that often. So most people say, hey, get your kicks while you can and have sex with as many people as possible, cause after you get married, you won't have sex anymore. Why is this happening? Listen up women, cause I am about to get really tough on you. STOP saying you have headaches! STOP saying you are too busy! STOP making excuses. If you are married, your husband needs you in this area. You didn't get married to just have your own needs met, did you? STOP being so selfish! Men need sex, and they are not trying to make you feel like an object. Give them a little bit of credit, that they might actually LOVE you! Oh, and one more thing... STOP LYING to yourself. Women, you need sex too.
I don't know where this stupid double standard came from. There is one standard for men, it appears, and a completely different standard set up by society, and the church, for women. Men are told either subliminally, or blatantly, that its hip and masculine to go out and have as many "conquests" as possible. They are told that the more women they sleep with, the more masculine they are. But women are told to defend their 'honor", and that sex is "bad" and its dirty. I am making generalizations. There are always exceptions to the rule. I do not believe that sex should be liberal, and that in order to free ourselves, we should just sleep with whoever is in our path. But I do not believe either that this desire to have sex should be so repressed that you won't even talk about it anymore.
I don't know what else to say about this. I am not an expert, so many of you may not want to even listen to me. I'm sorry for being so harsh about this. I just find it disturbing that this whole issue has been so flipped on its head. Get over it... sex is not a bad thing. And its not dirty either. At least not in and of itself. Like everything, sex is what you make of it, and do with it. It's all about your intentions. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Playing Games
I love to play games. I always have, probably always will. I will usually play any new game at least once. And if I really like the game, I can play it over and over without getting bored. Of course, it's always fun to mix it up and play a variety of games at any one given time. I guess, for me, playing games is a safe way to be adventurous and daring, without anyone getting hurt. It's even possible to play a game entirely inside your head, as happens in the classic RPGs - Role Playing Games, like Dunegeons and Dragons. Yes, I even play D&D sometimes. Now, I don't want to spend too much time talking about D&D, but I think its worth saying that, at least for me, I grew up in the church being told that it was bad, even evil, to play it. Now that I am 32, and have tried it for myself, I do not belive this fear of D&D is grounded in anything real. It is what you make of it, and is innocent, unless you have evil intentions. That's all I am going to say about that.
So the question I am going to raise here is, is playing games just a simple diversion, or is there some other values to be learned from playing games? Well, I don't think its any secret what point of view I take. I wouldn't be playing games unless I thought they had tremendous value. Besides the obvious diversion that games create, I do not believe that its necessarily escapism we are seeking when we play games. The games that we need to play with others create a social outlet, and can create a sense of community, and a feeling of connectedness with others. Games can even be a great way to break the ice with people you don't know, and games possibly bring people out of their shells. Games can also generate a healthy sense of competition.
Ah, but thats not all. There are also collaborative games, where either everyone loses, or everyone wins. This gives a sense of community and teamwork, and I believe this is a great life skill to have. Now you are not fighting each other, but fighting to defeat the scary monsters, or you are trying to get off an island that is sinking. Some games are thinking games, and exercise our brains. In general, I believe games can keep us young at heart, and that can't be a bad thing.
Now let me shift gears, and ask you this: is there any time when playing games may not be a good thing, and can even be harmful? I'm glad you asked. I believe there is at least one area of life where game playing is prevalent, but not always helpful in acheiving the result you might want. I will tell you why I believe this is true, but let me tell you which area of life I think this is happening in first. I think we all play games in the area of relationships, both romantic and platonic. You know what I am talking about. So the rest of this post will focus on why we do this in the area of relationships, specifically, romantic relationships.
Let me first talk about why we play these games in the first place. It may seem like the answer is obvious, but I also think it is pretty complex. I think its based in fear. That's the simple answer. Let's dig deeper though, and ask ourselves, what are we afraid of? Well, again, I think we are afraid that if the other person really saw us for who we really are, not who we are pretending to be, the person wouldn't like what they saw and would walk away. You may agree with me or not on this, but let me ask you another question: Why in the world do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't like the real you anyway? As a wise woman told me, some people are genuinely attracted to sincerity. If you will just risk letting down your guard, you may, in the end, find that one person who sees you, and loves you just the way you are. There is great freedom in this. You no longer have to wear a mask, and there would be no more fear of getting shot down or rejected. This is my personal theory, and what I try to live by. Just be yourself, and those who see the real you will be found, and they will stick with you through good and bad times. You just can't buy a treasure like that.
But, you say, I really like this person.... I can't lose him (or her). I will do anything to keep them, even if it means not being true to myself. Believe me, I understand this perspective so well. The funny thing is, the harder I have tried to hold on to someone, the more they slipped through my fingers. If I have learned anything from all this heartbreak, it is that love, the real kind of love, is an open hand, not an ever tightening fist. It sounds trite and cliche', but the truth is, if you really love someone, you have to let them go. And it's only if they stay with you that you know they love you too.
Everyone has value, and there is no replacing any single person with another. I think we all innately know this. We are scared that we will lose a piece of ourselves, the piece the other person brings out in us, if we honestly let them go. So we play games with each other. These are not friendly games, though. These kind of games hurt us and others. Is it ever ok to play games in relationships? Well maybe, but probably more in the sense of a collaborative game, then a competitive game.
I guess you could say that building a relationship is like playing a game, like building blocks. Or I know relationships are often times equated to a game of poker. "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run." Ok, thats enough singing for now. The point is, I believe that it is true that you can't just show all your "cards" at once to the other player. But you do have to show your cards eventually if you want to get to the next level. I don't think, though, that knowing when to hold back your cards, and when to show a new card or two, is really playing a game at all. I think its just being wise, and having discretion. After all, its important to guard our hearts, both for guys and girls, until you know that person isn't going to walk away at the first sign of some weirdness you might have.
And I will end this post with one word of caution, or advice. It is never wise, I believe, to assume that someone feels something for you if they don't actually say the words. You may suspect how they feel by the way they are acting, or the way they look at you, or things they do. But until someone says "I like you", or "I love you", don't just assume anything. Of course, this word of caution comes from my own personal experience, and may not be true for everyone. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal... enjoy =)
by: Crystal Nylander
So the question I am going to raise here is, is playing games just a simple diversion, or is there some other values to be learned from playing games? Well, I don't think its any secret what point of view I take. I wouldn't be playing games unless I thought they had tremendous value. Besides the obvious diversion that games create, I do not believe that its necessarily escapism we are seeking when we play games. The games that we need to play with others create a social outlet, and can create a sense of community, and a feeling of connectedness with others. Games can even be a great way to break the ice with people you don't know, and games possibly bring people out of their shells. Games can also generate a healthy sense of competition.
Ah, but thats not all. There are also collaborative games, where either everyone loses, or everyone wins. This gives a sense of community and teamwork, and I believe this is a great life skill to have. Now you are not fighting each other, but fighting to defeat the scary monsters, or you are trying to get off an island that is sinking. Some games are thinking games, and exercise our brains. In general, I believe games can keep us young at heart, and that can't be a bad thing.
Now let me shift gears, and ask you this: is there any time when playing games may not be a good thing, and can even be harmful? I'm glad you asked. I believe there is at least one area of life where game playing is prevalent, but not always helpful in acheiving the result you might want. I will tell you why I believe this is true, but let me tell you which area of life I think this is happening in first. I think we all play games in the area of relationships, both romantic and platonic. You know what I am talking about. So the rest of this post will focus on why we do this in the area of relationships, specifically, romantic relationships.
Let me first talk about why we play these games in the first place. It may seem like the answer is obvious, but I also think it is pretty complex. I think its based in fear. That's the simple answer. Let's dig deeper though, and ask ourselves, what are we afraid of? Well, again, I think we are afraid that if the other person really saw us for who we really are, not who we are pretending to be, the person wouldn't like what they saw and would walk away. You may agree with me or not on this, but let me ask you another question: Why in the world do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't like the real you anyway? As a wise woman told me, some people are genuinely attracted to sincerity. If you will just risk letting down your guard, you may, in the end, find that one person who sees you, and loves you just the way you are. There is great freedom in this. You no longer have to wear a mask, and there would be no more fear of getting shot down or rejected. This is my personal theory, and what I try to live by. Just be yourself, and those who see the real you will be found, and they will stick with you through good and bad times. You just can't buy a treasure like that.
But, you say, I really like this person.... I can't lose him (or her). I will do anything to keep them, even if it means not being true to myself. Believe me, I understand this perspective so well. The funny thing is, the harder I have tried to hold on to someone, the more they slipped through my fingers. If I have learned anything from all this heartbreak, it is that love, the real kind of love, is an open hand, not an ever tightening fist. It sounds trite and cliche', but the truth is, if you really love someone, you have to let them go. And it's only if they stay with you that you know they love you too.
Everyone has value, and there is no replacing any single person with another. I think we all innately know this. We are scared that we will lose a piece of ourselves, the piece the other person brings out in us, if we honestly let them go. So we play games with each other. These are not friendly games, though. These kind of games hurt us and others. Is it ever ok to play games in relationships? Well maybe, but probably more in the sense of a collaborative game, then a competitive game.
I guess you could say that building a relationship is like playing a game, like building blocks. Or I know relationships are often times equated to a game of poker. "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run." Ok, thats enough singing for now. The point is, I believe that it is true that you can't just show all your "cards" at once to the other player. But you do have to show your cards eventually if you want to get to the next level. I don't think, though, that knowing when to hold back your cards, and when to show a new card or two, is really playing a game at all. I think its just being wise, and having discretion. After all, its important to guard our hearts, both for guys and girls, until you know that person isn't going to walk away at the first sign of some weirdness you might have.
And I will end this post with one word of caution, or advice. It is never wise, I believe, to assume that someone feels something for you if they don't actually say the words. You may suspect how they feel by the way they are acting, or the way they look at you, or things they do. But until someone says "I like you", or "I love you", don't just assume anything. Of course, this word of caution comes from my own personal experience, and may not be true for everyone. Just some more thoughts from the mind of Crystal... enjoy =)
by: Crystal Nylander
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