What should we do with fear? I am probably not a good person to listen to about this, because I rarely deal with my fear in a constructive manner. I am more of a flight, rather than fight type when it comes to dealing with fear. Or in the case of things I am dealing with right now, I am avoiding them altogether. And the situations are not going away, they are probably only going to get worse. Sigh. You would think I would learn from my past. And after all, haven't I said that pain is not the enemy? But fear is another thing all together. When we pay attention to fear, it can have an almost paralyzing effect. Or, in the case of some people, we can become the worst parts of ourselves, till we are belligerent because we think we have to fight to get what we want, or to get away from the thing that is causing us the fear.
In my world, there are many apparent things to fear. Fear of the lack of money, which could lead to the lack of food. Fear of an unknown future. Fear of the government collapsing. Fear of people yelling at me. I could think of many things to fear. Some things that I may fear may seem rather small to you and you may not fear them at all. Everyone is different, because we all have different upbringings and beliefs about life. No 2 of us are alike. Yes, I know I am stating the obvious. The point is, we need to have sympathy for other people's fears, no matter how strange or unreasonable they may seem. We don't know what brought them to point of fearing that thing or person, whatever the case may be.
Having said that, fear, as opposed to pain, is not your friend. It will not teach you anything. Well, it may teach you how to be brave and overcome your fear. However, it is good to have a healthy dose of fear of certain things, because what you don't know can kill you. But too much fear will not lead to anything good. I suppose if I was listening to myself right now, I would just stand up to that person who is intimidating me right now. Or I would just go out be able to get any job I wanted, because I would exude charisma and confidence. Or I would no longer let the past haunt me, and I would wake up every day anew. The point is, I am not the spokesperson for overcoming fear. But it seems to be on my mind a lot right now, so I thought I would talk about it. Just looking at my thoughts makes me feel a little more clear headed and a little better about everything, even though it doesn't change anything. Anyway, these are just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
Recent Events
Perhaps it is fitting that I haven't written a blog post over the Summer months. Just as the rain has been lacking, I have not been inspired to write these past 6 or so months. But 2 events have happened that seem to be God's way of screaming to get my attention again as though I have been sleeping. Or maybe Satan is trying to show his muscle, and God has provided a way of escape. Maybe it's both. Either way, I am trying to wake up, and see the world through God's eyes in all its crazy beauty.
Let me just tell you what happened in August and September and culminated in October. I have been looking for a job ever since I graduated from Northern Virginia Community College in December of 2012. Well I had an interview about the 3rd week in August at the Holiday Inn in Leesburg, VA for the Hobby Lobby that was scheduled to open in September in Leesburg, VA. At this interview, they hired me right on the spot, which seemed unusual, but I wasn't about to say no after all the looking I had done, and having no luck.
So I started working for Hobby Lobby a week after the interview at the end of August. Boy, I didn't know what I was getting into! I knew the store had to be set up, but I don't believe I have ever worked a more hectic schedule in my life. But miracles do happen, and 3 weeks later, a brand new Hobby Lobby was open, complete with product and everything.
Well, I'm starting to get nervous about my job because they haven't trained me to do anything. Basically all I have learned is how to open the store, now how to keep it going. So I am suspecting that they might want to get rid of me.
About a week after the store opens, I get into a bad car accident. I am on a dirt road driving to my parents house late at night when I look down for a moment, and the next thing I know, I'm running off the road and I hit a tree. It sounds stupid, but it really banged up my car. Well, I am able to still drive the car to my parents house even though I am shook up and the car doesn't look so good. I was completely uninjured.
The next day I had my car towed to a repair shop, and called my insurance. They said aside from my deductible, they would cover the rest of the bill for the repairs on the car.
As it turned out, a week after the accident, my prediction came true, and Hobby Lobby laid me off because they no longer had room for me in the budget. I have other theories as to why they let me got, but I won't go into them right now.
Conveniently enough, the month of work I put in at Hobby Lobby was just about enough to cover the deductible to repair my car with a little extra thrown in. So I have a theory. God knew I was going to have a car accident. He also knew that I couldn't afford the deductible on my disability check. So He provided a job for me through Hobby Lobby just long enough so I could pay the deductible, but not so long I would be miserable. Cool, huh? Oh, and I just got my car back in beautiful condition on October 2nd.
So I can't just look at these events and think it's all coincidence. I believe God has some master plan, He just isn't telling me what it is. Sometimes I think He gives me clues, but then I think I'm going crazy and just having grandiose thoughts. But what if I'm not? What if He is leaving me clues, like bread crumbs? I just have to follow them no matter how absurd it seems to everyone else.
I believe this world is not as it seems. And I believe I have protective spirits or angels all around me to guard against my own foolishness. This car accident is not the first time I have been protected. And its not the first time God has provided for me. So what can I say? God wants to do something with my life. Yet I feel so insignificant. But I feel God is trying to tell me I have immense worth. I can hardly tell you all what I am thinking. I feel you wouldn't believe me if I did, and that you would be mad at me if I did. So right now, I will just keep it to myself. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
Let me just tell you what happened in August and September and culminated in October. I have been looking for a job ever since I graduated from Northern Virginia Community College in December of 2012. Well I had an interview about the 3rd week in August at the Holiday Inn in Leesburg, VA for the Hobby Lobby that was scheduled to open in September in Leesburg, VA. At this interview, they hired me right on the spot, which seemed unusual, but I wasn't about to say no after all the looking I had done, and having no luck.
So I started working for Hobby Lobby a week after the interview at the end of August. Boy, I didn't know what I was getting into! I knew the store had to be set up, but I don't believe I have ever worked a more hectic schedule in my life. But miracles do happen, and 3 weeks later, a brand new Hobby Lobby was open, complete with product and everything.
Well, I'm starting to get nervous about my job because they haven't trained me to do anything. Basically all I have learned is how to open the store, now how to keep it going. So I am suspecting that they might want to get rid of me.
About a week after the store opens, I get into a bad car accident. I am on a dirt road driving to my parents house late at night when I look down for a moment, and the next thing I know, I'm running off the road and I hit a tree. It sounds stupid, but it really banged up my car. Well, I am able to still drive the car to my parents house even though I am shook up and the car doesn't look so good. I was completely uninjured.
The next day I had my car towed to a repair shop, and called my insurance. They said aside from my deductible, they would cover the rest of the bill for the repairs on the car.
As it turned out, a week after the accident, my prediction came true, and Hobby Lobby laid me off because they no longer had room for me in the budget. I have other theories as to why they let me got, but I won't go into them right now.
Conveniently enough, the month of work I put in at Hobby Lobby was just about enough to cover the deductible to repair my car with a little extra thrown in. So I have a theory. God knew I was going to have a car accident. He also knew that I couldn't afford the deductible on my disability check. So He provided a job for me through Hobby Lobby just long enough so I could pay the deductible, but not so long I would be miserable. Cool, huh? Oh, and I just got my car back in beautiful condition on October 2nd.
So I can't just look at these events and think it's all coincidence. I believe God has some master plan, He just isn't telling me what it is. Sometimes I think He gives me clues, but then I think I'm going crazy and just having grandiose thoughts. But what if I'm not? What if He is leaving me clues, like bread crumbs? I just have to follow them no matter how absurd it seems to everyone else.
I believe this world is not as it seems. And I believe I have protective spirits or angels all around me to guard against my own foolishness. This car accident is not the first time I have been protected. And its not the first time God has provided for me. So what can I say? God wants to do something with my life. Yet I feel so insignificant. But I feel God is trying to tell me I have immense worth. I can hardly tell you all what I am thinking. I feel you wouldn't believe me if I did, and that you would be mad at me if I did. So right now, I will just keep it to myself. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Rainbow Heart Part 2
Well here we are again, and I would like to talk about my heart again. It is my heart in color form that I wish to discuss. So this is a whole new set of colors, and we will be working with a whole different spectrum. We got the basic colors last time, the expected spectrum. Now it's time to mix things up a bit and get a little crazy. Well, not exactly crazy, but lets throw in some fun. So let's get started having fun. Are you ready? Well, ready or not, here we go!
Pink - Are you surprised I picked pink first? You shouldn't be. God knows I wear it enough. My room is even painted a particular shade of pink that could be called peach. But everyone knows its really pink in disguise. Let's not kid ourselves. I love the color pink. It makes me happy, and I happen to look really good in pink. If you had to break down the coloring of my skin pallette into a seasonal shade, I most match the season of Spring. So Spring colors look best on me. Don't ask me how that happened, cause my Mom is definitely a Fall color pallette. Anyway, thats your dress for success color scheme lesson for the day. Let's get back to talking about pink and what it makes me feel. When I think of pink, I think of unicorns, and My Little Pony, which was my favorite toy as a child, and probably still is my favorite toy today, if I played with toys. Come on, admit it, you wish you still could play with toys too. Anyway, I think of princess's being rescued, and of every fairy tale I have ever heard. It make's me wish upon a star, and hope that my dreams will come true some day. In short, pink is the color of dreams, and makes me feel wistful. I know I am not making this a very spiritual color, but since when do all colors have to have a spiritual meaning behind them? Or maybe pink is more spiritual than we think it is, or than I am giving it credit for. If I look closer at the princess being rescued part, Jesus did say that one day He is coming again for His bride, the church. He is going to rescue her from this world, and there is going to be a fabulous wedding feast. And there you have it. I took pink all the way from unicorns to Jesus marrying the church. Ta-dah! One can only hope that day is sooner rather than later, because this world is getting CRAZY! Ok, enough about pink. Let's check out the next color.
Silver - Silver makes me think of stars. Funny cause pink made me think of wishing upon a star. Anyway, back to silver. There are more stars in the sky than can be counted. And yet God has counted them all, and not only that, He knows them all by name. This astounds me. Cause guess what else the Bible says God does? It tells me that His thoughts towards me are more than the sand on the beaches. So how is God keeping track of all the stars, and thinking all these wonderous thoughts towards me? Amazing, isn't it? And He counts all the hairs on my head, and your head too, and He knows when one falls out. It is comforting to know that He takes such an interest in even the smallest minute detail of my life. So this silver color makes me stand in awe of a God who is so detail oriented that He can keep track of all the matters of the universe, and yet so loving and kind towards me, that He wants to pay attention to the smallest detail of my life. If He pays that much attention to my hair, how much more so when I am floundering in my finances, or my love life is completely going awry? Or how about when my family life is about to bust wide open, or friendships are making me cry? Surely He must care about all of it. That doesn't mean He is a genie in the sky and He is just going to let me rub the magic lamp and now BOOM! He is going to fix everything for me. But it does mean He is working everything for my good. What an amazing loving God we serve. I just love Him so much. How can you not love Him? He just pursues and pursues my heart till all I can do is surrender to Him. Amazing.
Gold - Gold makes me think of crowns and jewels and riches beyond my wildest imaginings. I know precious stones aren't gold, but gold makes me think of them too. And this makes me think of all the blessings that God has to offer. And then I sit and compare the two. And they are not worthy to be compared. I dare you to ask me which would I rather have. All the riches of the world, or all the blessings God wants to bestow on my life? I will just tell you the answer. I will take God's blessings over any riches any day hands down. God knows far better what is best for me than I ever will, and I want Him directing my life, all the way. I learned rather quickly when I landed in the hospital this last time, that what I have been saying in this blog from the beginning is so true. God's way is the only way to go, and He is working everything together for my good. And the simple fact, I have absolutely no control over my life or where it ends up. It is virtuous to have self-control, to be sure. I may be able to control myself to some degree. But even that I am not so sure I have that much control over, except for the grace of God be with me. So God, be with me always, and guide me, please.
Black - Black makes me think of sin and death. I know this is not an uplifting color, but it must be addressed. Black also makes me think of darkness and night, and how most sins are done in the night and in darkness. I guess thats why fear gripped me just before I went into the hospital when I was at my parents house and I looked outside and it was pitch black one night. It was the night before it snowed in Virginia the last time in March, before Easter. I couldn't see the Moon, or any stars, and all there was, was darkness. I knew evil was afoot. I just don't know what it was up to. I still don't know. But one thing is for sure. It was thwarted that night. Jesus has won the victory over sin and death. He won the victory when He died on the cross for our sins, and defeated the grave when he rose from the dead on the 3rd day. Glory to God! That is the good news of the gospel. If you simply believe this, you will be saved, and you can have a relationship with Jesus, and He will come into your heart. Yes, I know. I am always trying to slip the message of the gospel in there somewhere. I can't seem to help it though. It's just such good news, and I have to spread it around!
White - Ah, so now we come to white. White makes me think of purity and cleanness. So now we come back to the topic of purity, what this blog is named for, after all. What more is there to be said about purity? Jesus died to make us pure. Jesus died to blot out sins from the face of the earth. He died to make it so that it would be as if we had never sinned in the first place. So it is the blood of Jesus that washes away our sins and makes us white as snow. It says in the Bible that in God's kingdom, we will be given white robes to wear, representing our new standing as the righteous children of God. What a beautiful picture this is. Jesus has take our place, and dies for us. But everyone gets their reward in the end. Jesus doesn't get nothing for His sacrifice. Do you realize what Jesus gets for dying for us? He gets you and me, in His arms forevermore! That's all He ever wanted. This just amazes me. Do you realize that if you were the only person on this planet that needed saving, Jesus would die for just you? I realized that when I was in the hospital, not to belabor the point that I was in the hospital, but I am trying to make a point. I realized that Jesus died to save just me. Only me. And He succeeded in every way. And now I am so grateful that I want to help Him, in my own way, save everyone else. I know I am only one person. But I can only hope to reach even just one of you. If I do that, I would be wildly successful. I hope I am reaching more than one of you, since you all keep reading my blog =)
Brown - Have you ever mixed a whole bunch of colors together? Usually you end up getting some form of brown. Which is interesting. So I guess brown is a combination of all kinds of colors. What does this tell us? You can always find your way back to brown. But once you mix colors to make brown, its impossible to get the colors unmixed to get the original colors back to the pure form. So you better be sure you want brown. That's true whenever you mix any two colors together. Brown makes me think of animals. I know thats not really related. Anyway, lets just go with it. Specifically, I think of bears and dogs. But it makes me think of animals in general and this makes me think of the beauty of God's creation. Maybe I mentioned God's creation in an earlier color, but creation is so beautiful, it's worth mentioning again. I have a soft spot in my heart for animals. I wanted to go to school originally to be a veternarian, but I couldn't get past the Chemistry classes. So I took Accounting instead, which was far easier for me, even though it took me 14 years to get my degree. Crazy, I know. But what I love about animals is they have an intelligence about them. They may not be human, but they certainly have personalities, and they have feelings just like we do. They may not be able to understand things like humans can, such as history or politics. But they know when someone is kind, and they know when someone is cruel. And they can love unconditionally, regardless of how you look, or what you wear or what you drive. What a blessing God has given us in animals!
Well, that is the end of Rainbow Heart Part 2. I hope you have enjoyed it. Maybe I will pick more fun colors for Rainbow Heart Part 3. In the mean time, I am already thinking about my next post. It should be coming out soon, in the next few days. Again, feel free to spread this blog abroad to your friends and family. I am not shy about these things and I don't mind my views being shown to everyone. I wish you all would introduce yourselves to me or make comments. I am sorry if I have offended anyone. I was just speaking my mind, and I have taken down some offensive posts. Oh, and I would like prayer for some personal stuff I am going through right now. Maybe I will tell you all what it is later. In the mean time, just pray. This has been just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Pink - Are you surprised I picked pink first? You shouldn't be. God knows I wear it enough. My room is even painted a particular shade of pink that could be called peach. But everyone knows its really pink in disguise. Let's not kid ourselves. I love the color pink. It makes me happy, and I happen to look really good in pink. If you had to break down the coloring of my skin pallette into a seasonal shade, I most match the season of Spring. So Spring colors look best on me. Don't ask me how that happened, cause my Mom is definitely a Fall color pallette. Anyway, thats your dress for success color scheme lesson for the day. Let's get back to talking about pink and what it makes me feel. When I think of pink, I think of unicorns, and My Little Pony, which was my favorite toy as a child, and probably still is my favorite toy today, if I played with toys. Come on, admit it, you wish you still could play with toys too. Anyway, I think of princess's being rescued, and of every fairy tale I have ever heard. It make's me wish upon a star, and hope that my dreams will come true some day. In short, pink is the color of dreams, and makes me feel wistful. I know I am not making this a very spiritual color, but since when do all colors have to have a spiritual meaning behind them? Or maybe pink is more spiritual than we think it is, or than I am giving it credit for. If I look closer at the princess being rescued part, Jesus did say that one day He is coming again for His bride, the church. He is going to rescue her from this world, and there is going to be a fabulous wedding feast. And there you have it. I took pink all the way from unicorns to Jesus marrying the church. Ta-dah! One can only hope that day is sooner rather than later, because this world is getting CRAZY! Ok, enough about pink. Let's check out the next color.
Silver - Silver makes me think of stars. Funny cause pink made me think of wishing upon a star. Anyway, back to silver. There are more stars in the sky than can be counted. And yet God has counted them all, and not only that, He knows them all by name. This astounds me. Cause guess what else the Bible says God does? It tells me that His thoughts towards me are more than the sand on the beaches. So how is God keeping track of all the stars, and thinking all these wonderous thoughts towards me? Amazing, isn't it? And He counts all the hairs on my head, and your head too, and He knows when one falls out. It is comforting to know that He takes such an interest in even the smallest minute detail of my life. So this silver color makes me stand in awe of a God who is so detail oriented that He can keep track of all the matters of the universe, and yet so loving and kind towards me, that He wants to pay attention to the smallest detail of my life. If He pays that much attention to my hair, how much more so when I am floundering in my finances, or my love life is completely going awry? Or how about when my family life is about to bust wide open, or friendships are making me cry? Surely He must care about all of it. That doesn't mean He is a genie in the sky and He is just going to let me rub the magic lamp and now BOOM! He is going to fix everything for me. But it does mean He is working everything for my good. What an amazing loving God we serve. I just love Him so much. How can you not love Him? He just pursues and pursues my heart till all I can do is surrender to Him. Amazing.
Gold - Gold makes me think of crowns and jewels and riches beyond my wildest imaginings. I know precious stones aren't gold, but gold makes me think of them too. And this makes me think of all the blessings that God has to offer. And then I sit and compare the two. And they are not worthy to be compared. I dare you to ask me which would I rather have. All the riches of the world, or all the blessings God wants to bestow on my life? I will just tell you the answer. I will take God's blessings over any riches any day hands down. God knows far better what is best for me than I ever will, and I want Him directing my life, all the way. I learned rather quickly when I landed in the hospital this last time, that what I have been saying in this blog from the beginning is so true. God's way is the only way to go, and He is working everything together for my good. And the simple fact, I have absolutely no control over my life or where it ends up. It is virtuous to have self-control, to be sure. I may be able to control myself to some degree. But even that I am not so sure I have that much control over, except for the grace of God be with me. So God, be with me always, and guide me, please.
Black - Black makes me think of sin and death. I know this is not an uplifting color, but it must be addressed. Black also makes me think of darkness and night, and how most sins are done in the night and in darkness. I guess thats why fear gripped me just before I went into the hospital when I was at my parents house and I looked outside and it was pitch black one night. It was the night before it snowed in Virginia the last time in March, before Easter. I couldn't see the Moon, or any stars, and all there was, was darkness. I knew evil was afoot. I just don't know what it was up to. I still don't know. But one thing is for sure. It was thwarted that night. Jesus has won the victory over sin and death. He won the victory when He died on the cross for our sins, and defeated the grave when he rose from the dead on the 3rd day. Glory to God! That is the good news of the gospel. If you simply believe this, you will be saved, and you can have a relationship with Jesus, and He will come into your heart. Yes, I know. I am always trying to slip the message of the gospel in there somewhere. I can't seem to help it though. It's just such good news, and I have to spread it around!
White - Ah, so now we come to white. White makes me think of purity and cleanness. So now we come back to the topic of purity, what this blog is named for, after all. What more is there to be said about purity? Jesus died to make us pure. Jesus died to blot out sins from the face of the earth. He died to make it so that it would be as if we had never sinned in the first place. So it is the blood of Jesus that washes away our sins and makes us white as snow. It says in the Bible that in God's kingdom, we will be given white robes to wear, representing our new standing as the righteous children of God. What a beautiful picture this is. Jesus has take our place, and dies for us. But everyone gets their reward in the end. Jesus doesn't get nothing for His sacrifice. Do you realize what Jesus gets for dying for us? He gets you and me, in His arms forevermore! That's all He ever wanted. This just amazes me. Do you realize that if you were the only person on this planet that needed saving, Jesus would die for just you? I realized that when I was in the hospital, not to belabor the point that I was in the hospital, but I am trying to make a point. I realized that Jesus died to save just me. Only me. And He succeeded in every way. And now I am so grateful that I want to help Him, in my own way, save everyone else. I know I am only one person. But I can only hope to reach even just one of you. If I do that, I would be wildly successful. I hope I am reaching more than one of you, since you all keep reading my blog =)
Brown - Have you ever mixed a whole bunch of colors together? Usually you end up getting some form of brown. Which is interesting. So I guess brown is a combination of all kinds of colors. What does this tell us? You can always find your way back to brown. But once you mix colors to make brown, its impossible to get the colors unmixed to get the original colors back to the pure form. So you better be sure you want brown. That's true whenever you mix any two colors together. Brown makes me think of animals. I know thats not really related. Anyway, lets just go with it. Specifically, I think of bears and dogs. But it makes me think of animals in general and this makes me think of the beauty of God's creation. Maybe I mentioned God's creation in an earlier color, but creation is so beautiful, it's worth mentioning again. I have a soft spot in my heart for animals. I wanted to go to school originally to be a veternarian, but I couldn't get past the Chemistry classes. So I took Accounting instead, which was far easier for me, even though it took me 14 years to get my degree. Crazy, I know. But what I love about animals is they have an intelligence about them. They may not be human, but they certainly have personalities, and they have feelings just like we do. They may not be able to understand things like humans can, such as history or politics. But they know when someone is kind, and they know when someone is cruel. And they can love unconditionally, regardless of how you look, or what you wear or what you drive. What a blessing God has given us in animals!
Well, that is the end of Rainbow Heart Part 2. I hope you have enjoyed it. Maybe I will pick more fun colors for Rainbow Heart Part 3. In the mean time, I am already thinking about my next post. It should be coming out soon, in the next few days. Again, feel free to spread this blog abroad to your friends and family. I am not shy about these things and I don't mind my views being shown to everyone. I wish you all would introduce yourselves to me or make comments. I am sorry if I have offended anyone. I was just speaking my mind, and I have taken down some offensive posts. Oh, and I would like prayer for some personal stuff I am going through right now. Maybe I will tell you all what it is later. In the mean time, just pray. This has been just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Wobbly Sheep
Why do I refer to myself as a Wobbly Sheep? Well, first and foremost, I am a sheep of God's pasture. This means that I am in His fold, and I am 100% saved. I can't do anything to lose my salvation, and God isn't going to lose me out of the boundaries of the gates of His love. The minute I even get close to the gates, He lovingly wraps His crook of protection around and brings me back into His loving arms. However, I can't seem to stand up straight most of the time, and I walk a crooked line. Hence the wobbly part. Does that mean I am not walking the straight and narrow? Far from it. It just means I walk the straight and narrow with flair and style. Seriously though, if you are following me, I may lead you on a few detours, and I am not sure it's the best idea to follow my example in the first place. I wish I could say that you should follow my example, but I am no Paul the apostle. I am just simple Crystal Nylander who is a wobbly sheep.
Now, I am not trying to get out of being an example to all of you. I know that as a follower of Jesus, many of you are watching my life to see how I will live. I am fine with this. But just know this. I am not perfect. I never claimed to be. I don't want to turn around one day and have one of you pointing your finger at me calling me a hypocrite. I want to live in such a way that you know exactly who I am, and you know that I haven't played any tricks on you. I will do my best to show you Jesus love, but I may still fall into sin. I have in the past, and I know my heart is capable of doing it again.
Satan has a trick up his sleeve. He is getting ready to tempt me with it. It's hard for me to tell exactly what it is. I know what I think it should be. I have told him if he was smart what it should be. In fact I will just put it out there and tell all of you what my greatest weakness is. Relationships. Specifically romantic ones. If Satan could find just the right guy for me, and have me fall in love with him, and it was the right combination and the right timing, I don't know what I would do. It's what I have always wanted. Its the dangling carrot, the holy grail of my life, if you will. And I might just go for it. So far Satan isn't doing such a hot job in that department. All the guys I know are taken, or uninterested, so it seems. But I know Satan is still up to something. Let's not dwell on Satan too much though. I was talking about what it means to be a wobbly sheep.
Basically I am not trying to let myself off the hook here by simply calling myself a wobbly sheep and then calling it a day, as if that's a get out of jail free card, and you all should just excuse my every whim. I am saying though that I am human and that if I do fall into sin, it is precisely because I am a wobbly sheep. I can't seem to walk the straight and narrow as nicely as some other Christians. I still struggle with my beliefs in some of what is considered core doctrinal beliefs. I don't want to go into them right now. Suffice it to say that I don't think as many people are going to hell as we think are going to hell. God is merciful. And besides, it's not my job to worry about who is going to hell and who isn't. It's my job to worry about my own soul, and that is taken care of. The rest is God's job. I hope you all have enjoyed this post. This has been just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Now, I am not trying to get out of being an example to all of you. I know that as a follower of Jesus, many of you are watching my life to see how I will live. I am fine with this. But just know this. I am not perfect. I never claimed to be. I don't want to turn around one day and have one of you pointing your finger at me calling me a hypocrite. I want to live in such a way that you know exactly who I am, and you know that I haven't played any tricks on you. I will do my best to show you Jesus love, but I may still fall into sin. I have in the past, and I know my heart is capable of doing it again.
Satan has a trick up his sleeve. He is getting ready to tempt me with it. It's hard for me to tell exactly what it is. I know what I think it should be. I have told him if he was smart what it should be. In fact I will just put it out there and tell all of you what my greatest weakness is. Relationships. Specifically romantic ones. If Satan could find just the right guy for me, and have me fall in love with him, and it was the right combination and the right timing, I don't know what I would do. It's what I have always wanted. Its the dangling carrot, the holy grail of my life, if you will. And I might just go for it. So far Satan isn't doing such a hot job in that department. All the guys I know are taken, or uninterested, so it seems. But I know Satan is still up to something. Let's not dwell on Satan too much though. I was talking about what it means to be a wobbly sheep.
Basically I am not trying to let myself off the hook here by simply calling myself a wobbly sheep and then calling it a day, as if that's a get out of jail free card, and you all should just excuse my every whim. I am saying though that I am human and that if I do fall into sin, it is precisely because I am a wobbly sheep. I can't seem to walk the straight and narrow as nicely as some other Christians. I still struggle with my beliefs in some of what is considered core doctrinal beliefs. I don't want to go into them right now. Suffice it to say that I don't think as many people are going to hell as we think are going to hell. God is merciful. And besides, it's not my job to worry about who is going to hell and who isn't. It's my job to worry about my own soul, and that is taken care of. The rest is God's job. I hope you all have enjoyed this post. This has been just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Monday, April 15, 2013
Warrior Princess
How do I put this? I would like to think that I am God's little warrior, but I am also His little princess. So yeah, the title of this post is perfect. I am a Warrior Princess for God. But what is it that I am fighting? Sometimes it is unclear to me, but this much I am aware of. It's anything that the devil wants to accomplish in the lives of my friends, family, myself, and those around me. So, devil, I am speaking to you directly. I am here to personally squash your plans. I am here to do all I can to take back God's people for the kingdom of God, as much as it is in my power. If you are trying to drag people to hell, I am helping God pluck them out of your grasp, one person at a time, one conversation at a time. I won't take you on directly. I never asked to fight you directly. I have seen the fierceness of your wrath, and it is terrible to behold. I know what you want to do to me. I know that you would love nothing more than to bash my head in. I know that you have a personal vendetta against me. I am not sure what I did to piss you off so much. I hold no ill will towards even you, even though you have done everything to steal everything from me. God has benevolently given it all back to me. Even so, I wish well even upon you. I just wish you would stop hurting everyone. I wish you would stop trying to destroy my life. I know you can't really touch me without God allowing it. And even still, He may allow some harm to come to me under your control. You would love that. God stands between me and you, and is my ultimate protector. He is all the protection I need. But don't underestimate me either. Like the singer Carman wrote "I am that Christian hell warned you about". I am not to be trifled with. The more you hurt me, the stronger my resolve will be. It will only make me stronger, oh you who goes about like a roaring lion. You can even kill me. But that will just make me the ultimate beautiful creature of God, and then you can't touch me, and I then I figure I will just be the ultimate fighting machine. I am not threatening you, devil. I merely say this to warn you. Don't touch my friends, or I will be pissed, and then I will have issue with you. Consider yourself warned.
Now to all my other readers, you just witnessed a behind the scenes look at what is actually happening in the spiritual realm in my life. This is real stuff. If you don't believe in spiritual warfare, it's best you start believing it. I could get lighthearted and start talking about sex, or love or money, or pride or something else. I will get back to all that stuff. They have all been on my mind. But so has this heavy spiritual warfare stuff. So let me get real and tell you about what has been happening in the last month and a half or so. This is manic episode number 4 for me. God, I hate calling it manic, or mania, so we are going to title it something else. Let's call it Grandiose thinking, or Grandiosity. So I am in the midst of a Grandiose episode even as I type this up on April 15, 2013. This has been going on since the beginning of sometime in March. It got so bad that I voluntarily allowed myself to be admitted into LAMPS hospital in Leesburg, VA, just before Easter. I had high hopes that being in the hospital was going to solve my insomnia, grandiosity, physical problems, emotional concerns, spiritual dilemmas, everything. How could I be so naive? It was a total disaster.... except for one shining light in the midst of all this. Being in the hospital felt like severe demonic oppression. There is an ancient evil at that hospital. It's probably why I had a nightmare in the hospital that I can only interpret as meaning that the devil himself found my exact location and has not lost track of me since. For whatever reason, he feels I am crucial to destroy or it will ruin his plans for history. But God will not allow Satan to destroy me cause I am crucial to God's plans. Don't ask me why I am so important. All my life I have felt like a nothing. Even still I don't feel that important. I have bipolar disorder. I am nothing. And yet I feel like God is saying I can have great influence over history, given enough time. We shall see.
Onward with my story. After I was released from the hospital voluntarily 3 days later, people weren't all that nice to me. I could tell that since the devil had thoroughly put me through the ringer emotionally, mentally, and physically, he was now attacking me through people, my relationships. In spite of all this, I have not gotten depressed. I have remained upbeat and happy, and positive. My overall outlook on life is hopeful. Although my life would be much improved if I could just get some regular sleep. That is where Satan is attacking me the most right now. I know this is probably the most intense post I will ever write. But this is mostly for Satan's benefit. He needed to know where I stand, and I thought it would be fun for all of you to get a sneak peak behind the scenes. It's not as scary as it sounds, but just be watchful. I am going to bat for all of you in my own way. The devil can't touch you if you don't give him an opening and God doesn't allow it. Even if the devil does touch you, all he can do is kill your body. Your soul will go to be with God if you believe in Jesus. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Now to all my other readers, you just witnessed a behind the scenes look at what is actually happening in the spiritual realm in my life. This is real stuff. If you don't believe in spiritual warfare, it's best you start believing it. I could get lighthearted and start talking about sex, or love or money, or pride or something else. I will get back to all that stuff. They have all been on my mind. But so has this heavy spiritual warfare stuff. So let me get real and tell you about what has been happening in the last month and a half or so. This is manic episode number 4 for me. God, I hate calling it manic, or mania, so we are going to title it something else. Let's call it Grandiose thinking, or Grandiosity. So I am in the midst of a Grandiose episode even as I type this up on April 15, 2013. This has been going on since the beginning of sometime in March. It got so bad that I voluntarily allowed myself to be admitted into LAMPS hospital in Leesburg, VA, just before Easter. I had high hopes that being in the hospital was going to solve my insomnia, grandiosity, physical problems, emotional concerns, spiritual dilemmas, everything. How could I be so naive? It was a total disaster.... except for one shining light in the midst of all this. Being in the hospital felt like severe demonic oppression. There is an ancient evil at that hospital. It's probably why I had a nightmare in the hospital that I can only interpret as meaning that the devil himself found my exact location and has not lost track of me since. For whatever reason, he feels I am crucial to destroy or it will ruin his plans for history. But God will not allow Satan to destroy me cause I am crucial to God's plans. Don't ask me why I am so important. All my life I have felt like a nothing. Even still I don't feel that important. I have bipolar disorder. I am nothing. And yet I feel like God is saying I can have great influence over history, given enough time. We shall see.
Onward with my story. After I was released from the hospital voluntarily 3 days later, people weren't all that nice to me. I could tell that since the devil had thoroughly put me through the ringer emotionally, mentally, and physically, he was now attacking me through people, my relationships. In spite of all this, I have not gotten depressed. I have remained upbeat and happy, and positive. My overall outlook on life is hopeful. Although my life would be much improved if I could just get some regular sleep. That is where Satan is attacking me the most right now. I know this is probably the most intense post I will ever write. But this is mostly for Satan's benefit. He needed to know where I stand, and I thought it would be fun for all of you to get a sneak peak behind the scenes. It's not as scary as it sounds, but just be watchful. I am going to bat for all of you in my own way. The devil can't touch you if you don't give him an opening and God doesn't allow it. Even if the devil does touch you, all he can do is kill your body. Your soul will go to be with God if you believe in Jesus. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Looking at the Face of God
How would one even begin to look at the face of God? Well, according to the Bible, we can't without dying. But there is a way to get around this safely, and kinda see the face of God, sorta. It is said that to love someone is to see the face of God. So I guess the moral of this post is going to be go out and love as many people as well as possible. But here is the rub. The question was posed to me, can we as humans really truly love one another here on this earth in our frail human condition, this side of eternity? I am convinced that we can. I have experienced this love first hand, have given this kind of love first hand and can tell you it's very real. I have felt it in my heart, but I can also tell you that love like this is not primarily a feeling. You have to put true love like this into action. After all, actions speak louder than words. Or rather it should be said that we show our words by our actions.
So what does it mean that to love someone is to look at the face of God? Well, let's ponder that for a few minutes, cause I would like to know too. The Bible tells us that God is love. So we are most like God when we love. And often times, when love is given, it is given back to the giver. So love given is reflected back. Therefore when you portray love to someone, you get to look in a mirror, and see for a brief moment what love looks like. And because God is love, you end up looking at the face of God through it all. That is absolutely amazing! What a gift God has given us. No wonder He wants us to love one another. It's just another way for Him to give us a piece of Himself. And after all, this life is all about getting closer to God and closer to each other, although I tend to think its more about getting closer to God than it is about getting closer to each other. In any case, we are put on this earth to have amazing relationships.
I feel so blessed because through some of my most screwed up situations, I have found the most comforting and loving relationships. Who knew that some of the most kindred spirits would be bipolar just like me? Or have mental illness just like me? Who knew that something seemingly so screwed up could be so beautiful? Never underestimate what God will use to confound the wise things of this world. And just cause it doesn't come in a beautiful package, it doesn't mean it isn't beautiful. We are all beautifully flawed. I now understand my life in a way I never thought I would. I feel I was meant to go through all the crap I went through and that my life led me on a trajectory directly so I can intersect with one specific individual and help him on his journey and he could help me on mine. It's amazing what God will use. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future, and for the first time in my life, I have no plan. And that is the most exciting thing about it. I never expected my life to end up this way. But I realize that God knows exactly what He is doing, and that I was always intended to be this person. I just took the beautiful detours to end up here. I thought my destiny was something else, when it was something else entirely. Again, God is amazing. And I can't wait to see what happens from here. It's going to be exciting, no matter how things play out.
I am sure you all don't know what I am talking about. I am being vague on purpose. Suffice it to say that God has a great plan for my life, and I haven't got the slightest clue of how things are going to go. I stopped planning when I got out of the mental hospital cause I realized I had no control. That doesn't mean I don't have dreams, or that I am going to stop dreaming. I am going to keep trying to make my dreams come true. In the mean time, I am going to let God have his way. Praise Jesus for all He does for us. I hope you will all have the courage to walk into God's plan for your life. It is amazing when you do. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
So what does it mean that to love someone is to look at the face of God? Well, let's ponder that for a few minutes, cause I would like to know too. The Bible tells us that God is love. So we are most like God when we love. And often times, when love is given, it is given back to the giver. So love given is reflected back. Therefore when you portray love to someone, you get to look in a mirror, and see for a brief moment what love looks like. And because God is love, you end up looking at the face of God through it all. That is absolutely amazing! What a gift God has given us. No wonder He wants us to love one another. It's just another way for Him to give us a piece of Himself. And after all, this life is all about getting closer to God and closer to each other, although I tend to think its more about getting closer to God than it is about getting closer to each other. In any case, we are put on this earth to have amazing relationships.
I feel so blessed because through some of my most screwed up situations, I have found the most comforting and loving relationships. Who knew that some of the most kindred spirits would be bipolar just like me? Or have mental illness just like me? Who knew that something seemingly so screwed up could be so beautiful? Never underestimate what God will use to confound the wise things of this world. And just cause it doesn't come in a beautiful package, it doesn't mean it isn't beautiful. We are all beautifully flawed. I now understand my life in a way I never thought I would. I feel I was meant to go through all the crap I went through and that my life led me on a trajectory directly so I can intersect with one specific individual and help him on his journey and he could help me on mine. It's amazing what God will use. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future, and for the first time in my life, I have no plan. And that is the most exciting thing about it. I never expected my life to end up this way. But I realize that God knows exactly what He is doing, and that I was always intended to be this person. I just took the beautiful detours to end up here. I thought my destiny was something else, when it was something else entirely. Again, God is amazing. And I can't wait to see what happens from here. It's going to be exciting, no matter how things play out.
I am sure you all don't know what I am talking about. I am being vague on purpose. Suffice it to say that God has a great plan for my life, and I haven't got the slightest clue of how things are going to go. I stopped planning when I got out of the mental hospital cause I realized I had no control. That doesn't mean I don't have dreams, or that I am going to stop dreaming. I am going to keep trying to make my dreams come true. In the mean time, I am going to let God have his way. Praise Jesus for all He does for us. I hope you will all have the courage to walk into God's plan for your life. It is amazing when you do. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
The Great Question: Is it Good to Love Myself?
To answer the question posed in this title, we will start by asking another question. What did God mean when He said that we as humans were created in the image of God, or Imageo Deo? What are the implications of this? And if we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength, does it follow that since we are created in His image that we should love His image equally the same. Well, God addressed this issued when He said that we should not make an idol of His image and worship it. So although He is the Supreme Being, and should be loved above everything else, we as humans are secondary, and we must not love each other, or even our own selves more than God. Having said that, because we are created in the image of God, we have immense intrinsic value that cannot be taken away simply because we are lacking in some area. We could have a personality flaw, a character flaw, be missing a limb, not be that attractive, or even have a mental illness, and we still have immense value and should be treated as such. God told us to love one other, and that simple command should be all the reason I need to obey it, just because God said it.
But what about loving myself? Is it ok to love myself? I think it is even mandatory to have self-love. I think if you despise even your own appearance, in a way you are saying that the very face of God is ugly to you. That's not to say that God looks exactly like you, but you are Imageo Deo, you are the image of God. To look at yourself IS to see a piece of the face of God. So yes, you should absolutely love the way you look, and you should love yourself, for all your quirky personality traits and all the things you laugh at and what you enjoy doing for fun. You are a masterpiece, and should enjoy yourself as such. Let yourself thrive on your uniqueness and who God made you to be. You are perfectly imperfect. Enjoy your flawed flawlessness. I know it sounds like a contradiction. But you are perfect, just the way you are. I could expound upon this, but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about this with you, just to get the conversation flowing. I know I intrigue you guys with my thoughts. That is after all why you keep coming back to read this blog, isn't? Well, I hope you have a happy Sunday. Just an update, I got a good night sleep last night, so I am not as irritated as I was. Today is a hopeful day for me. I have peace of mind for the first time in a while. Things are looking up. Blessings on you all! Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
But what about loving myself? Is it ok to love myself? I think it is even mandatory to have self-love. I think if you despise even your own appearance, in a way you are saying that the very face of God is ugly to you. That's not to say that God looks exactly like you, but you are Imageo Deo, you are the image of God. To look at yourself IS to see a piece of the face of God. So yes, you should absolutely love the way you look, and you should love yourself, for all your quirky personality traits and all the things you laugh at and what you enjoy doing for fun. You are a masterpiece, and should enjoy yourself as such. Let yourself thrive on your uniqueness and who God made you to be. You are perfectly imperfect. Enjoy your flawed flawlessness. I know it sounds like a contradiction. But you are perfect, just the way you are. I could expound upon this, but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about this with you, just to get the conversation flowing. I know I intrigue you guys with my thoughts. That is after all why you keep coming back to read this blog, isn't? Well, I hope you have a happy Sunday. Just an update, I got a good night sleep last night, so I am not as irritated as I was. Today is a hopeful day for me. I have peace of mind for the first time in a while. Things are looking up. Blessings on you all! Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Rainbow Heart
I like to think that if I could look at my heart through the eyes of the spirit realm, it would look rainbow in color. I don't exactly know why I think this, but I know that colors have special meanings. They make us feel things when we enter a room, whether it be calming, or agitated. They can make us think something is pure or sinful, or that someone is happy or angry with us. Colors convey emotions. So I have a Rainbow colored heart, and I would like to show through color, my emotions, and how I feel about you, and life, and other things. I will start at the beginning of the spectrum and go to the other end of the spectrum. There are many colors in between, but I don't have time to talk about all of them, so we will just cover the basics. Here we go!
Red - When I think of red, I think of feelings of love. The red part of my heart has nothing but love for all of you. It has nothing but benevolent thought and good will towards my fellow humankind. There is a flip side to red. Anger. Anger is also represented by red. I am angry at the injustices that man inflicts upon other humans. I am mad that men are cruel to each other, and I am angry at sin. Again, lets flip it, and have red represent passion. I am passionate to find my true love. It is my one desire in this life. I do not know if this will ever happen, but there is a fierce fire in my heart that wants this more than anything in this life. I do not really have my heart set on any one man at this time, so I can say for the first time in my life I am free from the bondage of attachment to some man. And I am completely available. That doesn't mean I will date just anyone, but I will take it into consideration if you (guys) ask me out. Just saying ;)
Orange -When I think of orange, I think of fruit, and fruit makes me think of health and a garden. This makes me think of the Garden of Eden. Don't ask me how I got all the way here, but let's roll with it. Ok, so what does the Garden of Eden represent to me? I believe it's still out there somewhere. But God is still guarding it with His angels and we can't see the Garden of Eden. I believe that the whole point of the redemption story, of restoring the Earth to it's former glory is to get us back into the Garden of Eden. I know that that is what man is looking for, but won't find till he/she has a right relationship with God and treats others with kindness. So how does orange make me feel over all? It gives me a sense of comfort and joy in knowing that everything is in God's hands, and that He has got this. All of our lives are heading the way they are supposed to. We just have to decide what we want to do on that path =)
Yellow -When I think of yellow, thoughts of sunshine come to mind. These brings me feelings of joy and happiness, especially since we are just now getting over the longest winter ever in Virginia, and I can't wait for a 90 degree weather day. I would love to have a reason to go swimming in an outdoor swimming pool or make a trip to the beach. So yellow is a very joyful color. I think of happy days ahead, and of the good times I have had in the past. Yellow is the color most likely to make me count my blessings.
Green - When I think of green, I think of leaves and grass, and things growing outside and coming to life. I think of nature and God's creation. I think of the beauty of all that God has created, and how it represents His very nature. When I think about this, my heart wants to sing worship songs to my heavenly Father, who is truly glorious in nature and beautiful to behold. He could not create such beauty in this world if he were an ugly spirit. The ugliness that is in this world did not come from God. It came from our own fallen sinful nature, and evil spirits that are in the world trying to dominate it. Anyway, green is a very soothing color, and makes me wants to lie in the grass and breath in God's peace.
Blue - When I think of the color blue, I first think of the ocean, and the vastness of the sky. Both are a mystery to us, though we continue to explore them. We will never be done exploring the ocean. We will never see all the fish out there, because we are just not able to see that deep. And of course space is a scary place, so I would rather not go there either. I will stay squarely planted on the ground, thank you very much.The feelings that blue brings up in me are more of a meditative state. Blue makes me want to ponder the depths of God's love for me, and I want to understand that mystery of God's thoughts, even though I know He is always an infinite amount of steps ahead of my thought process =) But a girl can keep trying to know her Creator, right?
Purple - This is perhaps my favorite color. We aren't going to get into subset colors, so this is also the last color I will discuss this time around, although we all know there are multiple other colors out there. Maybe I will show those sides of myself later, but I wanted to focus on the basics first. So purple. Purple makes me think of royalty. I ponder what it means to be in God's family and to be the daughter of the king. If we are children of the King, then we are all princes and princess in the Kingdom of God. And we should start acting like it. Maybe I will blog about what that means. It doesn't include a superiority complex.
Well, I hope to see you all soon, and to hear from some of you sooner. Have a pleasant Sunday, and I will come up with another blog post soon. You can make suggestions to me as well of topics you would like me to write on. That doesn't mean I will do it, but I will take it into consideration. God bless you guys. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Red - When I think of red, I think of feelings of love. The red part of my heart has nothing but love for all of you. It has nothing but benevolent thought and good will towards my fellow humankind. There is a flip side to red. Anger. Anger is also represented by red. I am angry at the injustices that man inflicts upon other humans. I am mad that men are cruel to each other, and I am angry at sin. Again, lets flip it, and have red represent passion. I am passionate to find my true love. It is my one desire in this life. I do not know if this will ever happen, but there is a fierce fire in my heart that wants this more than anything in this life. I do not really have my heart set on any one man at this time, so I can say for the first time in my life I am free from the bondage of attachment to some man. And I am completely available. That doesn't mean I will date just anyone, but I will take it into consideration if you (guys) ask me out. Just saying ;)
Orange -When I think of orange, I think of fruit, and fruit makes me think of health and a garden. This makes me think of the Garden of Eden. Don't ask me how I got all the way here, but let's roll with it. Ok, so what does the Garden of Eden represent to me? I believe it's still out there somewhere. But God is still guarding it with His angels and we can't see the Garden of Eden. I believe that the whole point of the redemption story, of restoring the Earth to it's former glory is to get us back into the Garden of Eden. I know that that is what man is looking for, but won't find till he/she has a right relationship with God and treats others with kindness. So how does orange make me feel over all? It gives me a sense of comfort and joy in knowing that everything is in God's hands, and that He has got this. All of our lives are heading the way they are supposed to. We just have to decide what we want to do on that path =)
Yellow -When I think of yellow, thoughts of sunshine come to mind. These brings me feelings of joy and happiness, especially since we are just now getting over the longest winter ever in Virginia, and I can't wait for a 90 degree weather day. I would love to have a reason to go swimming in an outdoor swimming pool or make a trip to the beach. So yellow is a very joyful color. I think of happy days ahead, and of the good times I have had in the past. Yellow is the color most likely to make me count my blessings.
Green - When I think of green, I think of leaves and grass, and things growing outside and coming to life. I think of nature and God's creation. I think of the beauty of all that God has created, and how it represents His very nature. When I think about this, my heart wants to sing worship songs to my heavenly Father, who is truly glorious in nature and beautiful to behold. He could not create such beauty in this world if he were an ugly spirit. The ugliness that is in this world did not come from God. It came from our own fallen sinful nature, and evil spirits that are in the world trying to dominate it. Anyway, green is a very soothing color, and makes me wants to lie in the grass and breath in God's peace.
Blue - When I think of the color blue, I first think of the ocean, and the vastness of the sky. Both are a mystery to us, though we continue to explore them. We will never be done exploring the ocean. We will never see all the fish out there, because we are just not able to see that deep. And of course space is a scary place, so I would rather not go there either. I will stay squarely planted on the ground, thank you very much.The feelings that blue brings up in me are more of a meditative state. Blue makes me want to ponder the depths of God's love for me, and I want to understand that mystery of God's thoughts, even though I know He is always an infinite amount of steps ahead of my thought process =) But a girl can keep trying to know her Creator, right?
Purple - This is perhaps my favorite color. We aren't going to get into subset colors, so this is also the last color I will discuss this time around, although we all know there are multiple other colors out there. Maybe I will show those sides of myself later, but I wanted to focus on the basics first. So purple. Purple makes me think of royalty. I ponder what it means to be in God's family and to be the daughter of the king. If we are children of the King, then we are all princes and princess in the Kingdom of God. And we should start acting like it. Maybe I will blog about what that means. It doesn't include a superiority complex.
Well, I hope to see you all soon, and to hear from some of you sooner. Have a pleasant Sunday, and I will come up with another blog post soon. You can make suggestions to me as well of topics you would like me to write on. That doesn't mean I will do it, but I will take it into consideration. God bless you guys. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Controversial Christian
I would now like to get really controversial and take on some topics that will challenge your thinking. In fact, I would like to challenge you to a dual of the mind, a battle of the wits, and perhaps a battle of who knows the Bible best. This is not me being a "right fighter", somebody who has to be right. Rather, I am challenging you to ask yourself what you really believe. In exchange, I will tell you what I really believe, and you can chose to accept it or reject it. It will not be what you expect, and I guarantee, I will surprise everyone. Let's get started!
First of all, let's take on the big elephant in the room. What happens after we die? Is there an after life? And if so, what is that after life like? Is it happy, or is it scary? Well, I believe that your after life experience depends entirely on you and how you live your life in this present tense. That means that what you do in this life matters immensely. Nothing is a trivial action, and everything you do effects everything, and everyone else around you. I know I am beginning to sound New Ageish, so I will try to clarify. Jesus said that if you give a cup of cold water to the least of these in His name, it was as if you were doing it to Him. But who is the least of these? That's the fun part. We don't have the slightest clue. So go ahead. Give a dollar to that charity feeding the hungry. Help your neighbor move their furniture. Pay for some stranger's meal, and make a new friend. It's all about kindness. And I believe what Jesus is saying is it will effect your eternal soul. But what happens if you want to hoard all your stuff, and not give anything to anyone? Well you can do that, and you may have what most consider is a "rich" lifestyle in this life, but I think you are setting yourself for a very poor and meager, perhaps even destitute after life. You reap what you sow. Ok, that's a big topic I could talk about forever. But on to the next one.
Related, but different, is there a heaven and a hell, and how can you know for sure where you are going when you die? For the answers to these questions, I am of course going to go to the Bible. And the answer of course is yes, there is a heaven and a hell. The way to know which one you are going to is based on whether you have a true relationship with Jesus in your heart. You have to accept Him into your heart by admitting you are a sinner and that you need His help. Now don't make assumptions. I am not trying to save anyone here. I am just telling you what the Bible says and teaches. If you do have a right relationship with Jesus, the Bible says you get a free ticket to heaven when you die and you can feel secure in that. If you don't know Jesus, then what is thought is that you don't get to heaven, but that you go to hell. I am still pondering how true this is. I will get back to this thought process in a bit, so bear with me. I am sure after all the things you have heard me say, you all hoped I would say that all roads lead to God. I do not believe that. Sorry to disappoint, but at my heart, I am an Evangelical, Bible believing Christian, and I will never stray from that. Jesus IS the only way, the only truth, and they life. No one can get to the Father except through Him.
Ok, I know I am going through this rather quickly, but that is because I want to get controversial and surprise everyone. Next topic.
What is the unpardonable sin that will make it impossible for you to go to heaven? Well, I have thought about this A LOT and really all it is is rejecting Jesus as your Savior. So no, it's not having premarital sex, or murdering someone, or telling lies, although that's not advisable to keeping a clean concscience. Oh, and you have until the day you die to reject Jesus. There isn't like some specific date in time for you and if you don't accept Jesus by then, it's too late for you. So no worries. As long as you are alive, you have hope of salvation.
Now what did the Bible mean when it said that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil? People misquote this Scripture more than any other Scripture I have ever heard. It's not saying that money is evil. It's saying if you LOVE money, it is evil. Well, money is just a tool. So if you love money, you are essentially loving a tool, and you are making money your supreme idol, and that is making money more important than God. Anything more important than God is an idol in your life. So allow me to be a free spirit and say that I believe the spirit of the verse is saying that if you love anything more than God, it is evil in your life.
So what does it mean to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength? I believe it means to love Him with every fiber of your being, every day, all day. That means that no matter what you say, do, eat, work at, or who you hang out with, you are doing it all for the glory of God. This is why you were created, and your soul purpose in life. I hate to disappoint you, but you were not put on this earth to fulfill your own desires. You were put here to bring God pleasure and joy, and to have human experiences, and to be perfected through them. Anyway, let's move on to the next topic.
Now let me address some of the deep struggles I have had and questions I have asked God, and the answers I feel He has given me, even though they are not self-evident in the Bible. First of all, does everyone who initially goes to hell, do they stay there forever? It is widely believed throughout Christendom, and the whole world that once sentenced to hell, that is your destiny for all eternity, that you cannot repent and show your remorse, and turn to Jesus, even though now you see the light. I have had issue with this and not been ok with this set up, I think my whole life. So I think God has revealed to me that yes, people really do go to hell. That yes, they really are stuck there. But that even they have hope, and that maybe even they get rescued some day. I am not saying this to tell you that there is some other way to get to heaven besides Jesus. There isn't. But you may not end up in hell forever either. But I am just not willing to take that risk. That's why I gave my whole life to Jesus when I was 4. If you don't turn to Jesus, you are playing risk with your eternal destiny. That's scary stuff right there. Next topic.
Can dreams come true? I am talking like the stuff of fairy tales. I don't mean so much like magical stuff, but rather, in my case, will I ever find that golden relationship, that one true guy who is going to treat me right, who is single, who loves me and would never leave me, that I can spend my life loving? Well, I believe it's possible. It doesn't mean it will happen, but I am pretty optimistic, it's bound to eventually. I just don't know that wishing on a star, or thinking happy thoughts is the way to get there. But maybe praying will help.
Well, I think this post is getting a bit long, and I have kinda run out of steam on topics. I think that is enough for you all to process. I mainly wanted to bring up the hell discussion. I have many more thoughts, but that will have next time. As usual, I love any comments. And you can all always shoot me an email: snoefox3@yahoo.com. Oh, and in case you are all worried about my health, please try not to worry. Know that I am in God's hands and I am doing better and will try to start blogging more often again. God is blessing me immensely, and I love all you guys very much. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
First of all, let's take on the big elephant in the room. What happens after we die? Is there an after life? And if so, what is that after life like? Is it happy, or is it scary? Well, I believe that your after life experience depends entirely on you and how you live your life in this present tense. That means that what you do in this life matters immensely. Nothing is a trivial action, and everything you do effects everything, and everyone else around you. I know I am beginning to sound New Ageish, so I will try to clarify. Jesus said that if you give a cup of cold water to the least of these in His name, it was as if you were doing it to Him. But who is the least of these? That's the fun part. We don't have the slightest clue. So go ahead. Give a dollar to that charity feeding the hungry. Help your neighbor move their furniture. Pay for some stranger's meal, and make a new friend. It's all about kindness. And I believe what Jesus is saying is it will effect your eternal soul. But what happens if you want to hoard all your stuff, and not give anything to anyone? Well you can do that, and you may have what most consider is a "rich" lifestyle in this life, but I think you are setting yourself for a very poor and meager, perhaps even destitute after life. You reap what you sow. Ok, that's a big topic I could talk about forever. But on to the next one.
Related, but different, is there a heaven and a hell, and how can you know for sure where you are going when you die? For the answers to these questions, I am of course going to go to the Bible. And the answer of course is yes, there is a heaven and a hell. The way to know which one you are going to is based on whether you have a true relationship with Jesus in your heart. You have to accept Him into your heart by admitting you are a sinner and that you need His help. Now don't make assumptions. I am not trying to save anyone here. I am just telling you what the Bible says and teaches. If you do have a right relationship with Jesus, the Bible says you get a free ticket to heaven when you die and you can feel secure in that. If you don't know Jesus, then what is thought is that you don't get to heaven, but that you go to hell. I am still pondering how true this is. I will get back to this thought process in a bit, so bear with me. I am sure after all the things you have heard me say, you all hoped I would say that all roads lead to God. I do not believe that. Sorry to disappoint, but at my heart, I am an Evangelical, Bible believing Christian, and I will never stray from that. Jesus IS the only way, the only truth, and they life. No one can get to the Father except through Him.
Ok, I know I am going through this rather quickly, but that is because I want to get controversial and surprise everyone. Next topic.
What is the unpardonable sin that will make it impossible for you to go to heaven? Well, I have thought about this A LOT and really all it is is rejecting Jesus as your Savior. So no, it's not having premarital sex, or murdering someone, or telling lies, although that's not advisable to keeping a clean concscience. Oh, and you have until the day you die to reject Jesus. There isn't like some specific date in time for you and if you don't accept Jesus by then, it's too late for you. So no worries. As long as you are alive, you have hope of salvation.
Now what did the Bible mean when it said that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil? People misquote this Scripture more than any other Scripture I have ever heard. It's not saying that money is evil. It's saying if you LOVE money, it is evil. Well, money is just a tool. So if you love money, you are essentially loving a tool, and you are making money your supreme idol, and that is making money more important than God. Anything more important than God is an idol in your life. So allow me to be a free spirit and say that I believe the spirit of the verse is saying that if you love anything more than God, it is evil in your life.
So what does it mean to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength? I believe it means to love Him with every fiber of your being, every day, all day. That means that no matter what you say, do, eat, work at, or who you hang out with, you are doing it all for the glory of God. This is why you were created, and your soul purpose in life. I hate to disappoint you, but you were not put on this earth to fulfill your own desires. You were put here to bring God pleasure and joy, and to have human experiences, and to be perfected through them. Anyway, let's move on to the next topic.
Now let me address some of the deep struggles I have had and questions I have asked God, and the answers I feel He has given me, even though they are not self-evident in the Bible. First of all, does everyone who initially goes to hell, do they stay there forever? It is widely believed throughout Christendom, and the whole world that once sentenced to hell, that is your destiny for all eternity, that you cannot repent and show your remorse, and turn to Jesus, even though now you see the light. I have had issue with this and not been ok with this set up, I think my whole life. So I think God has revealed to me that yes, people really do go to hell. That yes, they really are stuck there. But that even they have hope, and that maybe even they get rescued some day. I am not saying this to tell you that there is some other way to get to heaven besides Jesus. There isn't. But you may not end up in hell forever either. But I am just not willing to take that risk. That's why I gave my whole life to Jesus when I was 4. If you don't turn to Jesus, you are playing risk with your eternal destiny. That's scary stuff right there. Next topic.
Can dreams come true? I am talking like the stuff of fairy tales. I don't mean so much like magical stuff, but rather, in my case, will I ever find that golden relationship, that one true guy who is going to treat me right, who is single, who loves me and would never leave me, that I can spend my life loving? Well, I believe it's possible. It doesn't mean it will happen, but I am pretty optimistic, it's bound to eventually. I just don't know that wishing on a star, or thinking happy thoughts is the way to get there. But maybe praying will help.
Well, I think this post is getting a bit long, and I have kinda run out of steam on topics. I think that is enough for you all to process. I mainly wanted to bring up the hell discussion. I have many more thoughts, but that will have next time. As usual, I love any comments. And you can all always shoot me an email: snoefox3@yahoo.com. Oh, and in case you are all worried about my health, please try not to worry. Know that I am in God's hands and I am doing better and will try to start blogging more often again. God is blessing me immensely, and I love all you guys very much. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Monday, April 1, 2013
Beautiful
What makes a person beautiful? Is it just the physical exterior? I think if we look closer, we will see that beauty is more than just skin deep. I think it comes from somewhere inside a person, and just overflows out of them like a waterfall, if they truly have "it". You could say that being beautiful is a state of mind and an attitude. Or more like it, it is a state of "heart". Again, I will ask you to follow me down the rabbit hole and see things from my perspective. Let me start by telling you a little bit more about my story.
I was 9 years old. I had just learned how to draw a lion, or what I thought looked like a lion. I was so impressed with myself cause I had now moved on from stick figures to actual art, or what I considered art. Now I wanted to draw every animal I saw. And boy did I ever. My desire for drawing was unstoppable. I often wonder what happened to that artistic little girl who loved to draw. I lost sight of her, until God reintroduced me to her in a mental hospital called LAMPS just this Easter weekend. But that's a story for another time.
But something else was lurking inside this 9 year old little Crystal. Something dark and sinister. What shall we call it? We shall name it pride and vanity. I began to see other little girls, and to notice how attractive they were. I began to want to be the prettiest girl in the room and I began to notice that I was not the prettiest girl in the room. Not only that, I was a little heavier than the other girls in the room, and I couldn't seem to shake the weight off. I wasn't excessively overweight... just a few pounds. But it was enough to shrivel my self-esteem to the size of a raisin, and I began to realize that I loathed myself. It was almost to the point of self-hatred. And it was to the point where I truly hated anyone who was prettier than I was.... which was pretty much every girl out there.
My mother has always been naturally beautiful. I could not compete with such beauty. I felt like I was always held up in comparison to her and found lacking. That is still true today, although it now brings a reaction of anger up in me instead of hatred, but either way, I am still mad about it. Why do we women do this to ourselves? I have pondered this question my entire life. It is the "great" question (one friend will find this hysterical) of my life, and I do not have an answer yet. Although I feel I am getting closer to the answer.
I tried to get along with other girls. I even acted like I liked other girls. I was friendly to them, and I wanted them to like me. But I think in my heart of hearts, I was hoping something awful would befall them, so I could be raised up a notch. My worst nightmare was realized when I became the least popular and least liked girl at my school, the school I went to all my life. It was a private school, a Christian school. It was supposed to teach us good morals. Sure it taught me that, but I learned nothing of how to navigate relationships. And to add insult to injury, the boys thought I had cooties, and would run away. Forget about having a boyfriend, much less any boy caring about me as a friend.
By the time high school hit, I decided to join the cross country team, and run my way to being thin and beautiful. Well, after 2 years of that, it worked, and by the time I was 16, I was what I considered, the most beautiful girl in school, even if no one else knew it. I had friends galore, mostly girls, and I knew I was the prettiest one in the bunch. I knew secretly they were all jealous of me, cause I was fun and had a great personality. I was finally beginning to shine and be my fun loving self for the first time ever. But I was still exceedingly vain, and very selfish. I still wanted to stay on top, and any girl who thought she was prettier than me, I wanted to show her how she was wrong. I wanted her to know that I was the prettiest.
As if the tables had turned enough already, my mom insisted that I had the perfect figure. She constantly told me how beautiful I was and how I had the perfect shape, an hourglass. I didn't see it, but when do we ever see ourselves clearly? I had a 24" waist, but couldn't have been more miserable in my own skin. I thought I was still too fat, even though you could actually see my ribs even when I didn't suck in my stomach. My dad even told me I was too thin now. As I side comment, men, never comment on a women's weight. It is rude and makes her uncomfortable.
I did not think of food as something to nourish the body, but as something that would either make me beautiful or ugly, depending on how much I ate. I began to hate women less, but I still didn't like myself that much, even though men began to notice me after I got out of high school. Now I had the opposite problem. The guys wouldn't stay away from me, and I found myself constantly surrounded with friends. I finally felt like one of the popular kids, and I could fit into cute clothes. I finally began to believe the truth. I was cute... I was beautiful. People liked me. But the nagging question was this. Did they love me for me, or did they just want to be around me cause of the way I looked?
I am not going to tell you how this story ends, cause it is far from over. I have hinted at the detours I have taken along the way. But I am trying to point out the fundamental problem here. We women are jealous. I have heard Jerry say that he thinks women are good at heart. He has told me that I am the pure in heart. I am beginning to have to say, Jerry, maybe you are wrong. Yes, you could actually be wrong about something. I will try not to take much more of you all's time. Let it suffice to say that whether you be a man or a woman, you must examine your own heart. Let God search your heart, and show you what lies within. Only then can you truly be set free from the bondage of sin and death. I hope this inspires some of you. This is just my perspective. It is not meant to be taken any other way. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
I was 9 years old. I had just learned how to draw a lion, or what I thought looked like a lion. I was so impressed with myself cause I had now moved on from stick figures to actual art, or what I considered art. Now I wanted to draw every animal I saw. And boy did I ever. My desire for drawing was unstoppable. I often wonder what happened to that artistic little girl who loved to draw. I lost sight of her, until God reintroduced me to her in a mental hospital called LAMPS just this Easter weekend. But that's a story for another time.
But something else was lurking inside this 9 year old little Crystal. Something dark and sinister. What shall we call it? We shall name it pride and vanity. I began to see other little girls, and to notice how attractive they were. I began to want to be the prettiest girl in the room and I began to notice that I was not the prettiest girl in the room. Not only that, I was a little heavier than the other girls in the room, and I couldn't seem to shake the weight off. I wasn't excessively overweight... just a few pounds. But it was enough to shrivel my self-esteem to the size of a raisin, and I began to realize that I loathed myself. It was almost to the point of self-hatred. And it was to the point where I truly hated anyone who was prettier than I was.... which was pretty much every girl out there.
My mother has always been naturally beautiful. I could not compete with such beauty. I felt like I was always held up in comparison to her and found lacking. That is still true today, although it now brings a reaction of anger up in me instead of hatred, but either way, I am still mad about it. Why do we women do this to ourselves? I have pondered this question my entire life. It is the "great" question (one friend will find this hysterical) of my life, and I do not have an answer yet. Although I feel I am getting closer to the answer.
I tried to get along with other girls. I even acted like I liked other girls. I was friendly to them, and I wanted them to like me. But I think in my heart of hearts, I was hoping something awful would befall them, so I could be raised up a notch. My worst nightmare was realized when I became the least popular and least liked girl at my school, the school I went to all my life. It was a private school, a Christian school. It was supposed to teach us good morals. Sure it taught me that, but I learned nothing of how to navigate relationships. And to add insult to injury, the boys thought I had cooties, and would run away. Forget about having a boyfriend, much less any boy caring about me as a friend.
By the time high school hit, I decided to join the cross country team, and run my way to being thin and beautiful. Well, after 2 years of that, it worked, and by the time I was 16, I was what I considered, the most beautiful girl in school, even if no one else knew it. I had friends galore, mostly girls, and I knew I was the prettiest one in the bunch. I knew secretly they were all jealous of me, cause I was fun and had a great personality. I was finally beginning to shine and be my fun loving self for the first time ever. But I was still exceedingly vain, and very selfish. I still wanted to stay on top, and any girl who thought she was prettier than me, I wanted to show her how she was wrong. I wanted her to know that I was the prettiest.
As if the tables had turned enough already, my mom insisted that I had the perfect figure. She constantly told me how beautiful I was and how I had the perfect shape, an hourglass. I didn't see it, but when do we ever see ourselves clearly? I had a 24" waist, but couldn't have been more miserable in my own skin. I thought I was still too fat, even though you could actually see my ribs even when I didn't suck in my stomach. My dad even told me I was too thin now. As I side comment, men, never comment on a women's weight. It is rude and makes her uncomfortable.
I did not think of food as something to nourish the body, but as something that would either make me beautiful or ugly, depending on how much I ate. I began to hate women less, but I still didn't like myself that much, even though men began to notice me after I got out of high school. Now I had the opposite problem. The guys wouldn't stay away from me, and I found myself constantly surrounded with friends. I finally felt like one of the popular kids, and I could fit into cute clothes. I finally began to believe the truth. I was cute... I was beautiful. People liked me. But the nagging question was this. Did they love me for me, or did they just want to be around me cause of the way I looked?
I am not going to tell you how this story ends, cause it is far from over. I have hinted at the detours I have taken along the way. But I am trying to point out the fundamental problem here. We women are jealous. I have heard Jerry say that he thinks women are good at heart. He has told me that I am the pure in heart. I am beginning to have to say, Jerry, maybe you are wrong. Yes, you could actually be wrong about something. I will try not to take much more of you all's time. Let it suffice to say that whether you be a man or a woman, you must examine your own heart. Let God search your heart, and show you what lies within. Only then can you truly be set free from the bondage of sin and death. I hope this inspires some of you. This is just my perspective. It is not meant to be taken any other way. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Needs
If you had a gun to your head and you were asked to, right now, rattle off just ten things that you NEED in your life to feel whole, or the person holding that gun was going to pull the trigger, and your brains would be all over the wall, would you be able to do it? Ok, so most of us will never find ourselves in this situation. But I was asked this question just a few months ago. And I was dumb-founded. I might as well have been a deer in the head lights. At least, I am sure that's what I looked like to my friend who asked me this question. Ever since this question has been put into my brain, I have been pondering it, not at a constant rate, but more like at a simmer. And just now, I finally came up with ten things that I feel I need out of this life to feel whole.
Now the reasons it took me so long to come up with just ten needs (I am sure there are more) are interesting. I wonder if any of you have the same problem. I am by dysfunction, a people pleaser. This is not a good thing, not by my estimation. We are taught in our society to be "selfless", that its bad to think about yourself, and that you should put everyone elses' needs above your own. Or maybe that's just how it is in the Christian community. Well pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but if I have something seriously wrong with me, shouldn't I take care of my injuries first, whether they be internal or external, before worrying about whether other people are comfortable or not? This has started to become glaringly clear to me, as a person who suffers with mental health difficulties. You can't see the battle that wages inside my head, but it is very real. And trust me, I will be of no use to you, if I don't take care of the fight that is going inside my own head first.
So with no further ado, I will now disclose to you the ten needs I came up with. Keep in mind that this has taken months of pondering, and is the main reason why you all haven't seen a blog from me since November. I kinda lost focus on other thoughts. That's my story and I am sticking to it ;) Oh, and these aren't really in order of importance. They are just in the order they came to me. Enjoy!
1.) Love - I need to feel loved and I need to give love. This seems to be the most obvious one, so that's why it goes first. It's actually quite complex though when it comes to practicing it. Why? Because love always involves another person, and when you add another person to the equation, well you can't predict what they are going to do. You have to make yourself vulnerable to the other person, and they may not give you what you need in the end. I don't know if this is the scariest need to have, but it is up there.
2.) Compliments - I didn't know how else to title this need. It's a need to have my inner most qualities, the things that make me special, noticed. It's more than just the obvious "oh you have beautiful hair" or "pretty eyes", or even "Wow, I love you personality", compliments. It's a need to feel attractive, beautiful, and perhaps even wanted. It's a need to be important. If you can think of a better way to title this need, I am open to your suggestions.
3.) Honesty - I have a need to be honest and truthful, my true self, with those I trust. It's not always pretty, but sometimes its glorious, and I have a need to show it all. It makes me feel icky when I can't be that way with people. The flip side of this need, or the other side of the coin to this need is this: I have a need for those I trust to be honest and truthful with me. I have a need to see their true selves too. I must say, honestly, not many have done that.
4.) Purpose - I have a need to feel purposeful in this world. I think this is a pretty universal need, but I won't speak for you. It just seems to be one of those things that makes the world go round. Why else would it be that one of the first questions we ask each other be "What do you do for work?" and that we kinda feel sheepish when we say, "I'm looking for a job"?
5.) Artistic - I have a need to produce things of beauty, whether its cross stitching, or coloring, or making a craft. I also have a need to be around things of beauty, and to have an aesthetically pleasing environment. I believe this blog counts as creating something beautiful.
6.) Peace - I have a need to have peacefulness in my thoughts and in my life. This is a rarity, so its quite the treasure when I do capture those fleeting moments it does happen.
7.) Companionship - I have a need for someone I can trust to spend my time with. How is this different than love? This does involve love, but its more than that. It's being involved in each others lives, no matter how messy they get. I guess you can love many people, but when I am talking about a companion, I mean someone specific, that you spend your life with. I guess that's how I would differentiate that.
8.) Understanding - I have a need to be understood. This involves spending time with me, and listening to me, and letting me vent when I need to. And guess what? I might end up understanding you as a bonus! Just kidding... Of course I want to understand you... whoever you are =)
9.) Joyfulness - I have a need to be joyful. This usually involves lots of laughter and being with friends. Of course, its possible to be joyful by myself, but I just find it easier to be joyful around others. There's just something about good company and socializing.
10.) To Find God - Simply put, I have a need to find God. Or as some would say, I have a need for God to find me, which is probably more accurate. Because in finding God, I believe I will find truth, and life, and meaning. I know this one is loaded, but it includes so much, and I couldn't leave it out.
In closing, I will make a note. Its interesting how many of these needs can't be fulfilled without other people being involved. I am not sure any of them can truly be fulfilled by myself alone. Even the artistic need has no meaning if I am the only one who enjoys the product of my efforts. Something to think about. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
Now the reasons it took me so long to come up with just ten needs (I am sure there are more) are interesting. I wonder if any of you have the same problem. I am by dysfunction, a people pleaser. This is not a good thing, not by my estimation. We are taught in our society to be "selfless", that its bad to think about yourself, and that you should put everyone elses' needs above your own. Or maybe that's just how it is in the Christian community. Well pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but if I have something seriously wrong with me, shouldn't I take care of my injuries first, whether they be internal or external, before worrying about whether other people are comfortable or not? This has started to become glaringly clear to me, as a person who suffers with mental health difficulties. You can't see the battle that wages inside my head, but it is very real. And trust me, I will be of no use to you, if I don't take care of the fight that is going inside my own head first.
So with no further ado, I will now disclose to you the ten needs I came up with. Keep in mind that this has taken months of pondering, and is the main reason why you all haven't seen a blog from me since November. I kinda lost focus on other thoughts. That's my story and I am sticking to it ;) Oh, and these aren't really in order of importance. They are just in the order they came to me. Enjoy!
1.) Love - I need to feel loved and I need to give love. This seems to be the most obvious one, so that's why it goes first. It's actually quite complex though when it comes to practicing it. Why? Because love always involves another person, and when you add another person to the equation, well you can't predict what they are going to do. You have to make yourself vulnerable to the other person, and they may not give you what you need in the end. I don't know if this is the scariest need to have, but it is up there.
2.) Compliments - I didn't know how else to title this need. It's a need to have my inner most qualities, the things that make me special, noticed. It's more than just the obvious "oh you have beautiful hair" or "pretty eyes", or even "Wow, I love you personality", compliments. It's a need to feel attractive, beautiful, and perhaps even wanted. It's a need to be important. If you can think of a better way to title this need, I am open to your suggestions.
3.) Honesty - I have a need to be honest and truthful, my true self, with those I trust. It's not always pretty, but sometimes its glorious, and I have a need to show it all. It makes me feel icky when I can't be that way with people. The flip side of this need, or the other side of the coin to this need is this: I have a need for those I trust to be honest and truthful with me. I have a need to see their true selves too. I must say, honestly, not many have done that.
4.) Purpose - I have a need to feel purposeful in this world. I think this is a pretty universal need, but I won't speak for you. It just seems to be one of those things that makes the world go round. Why else would it be that one of the first questions we ask each other be "What do you do for work?" and that we kinda feel sheepish when we say, "I'm looking for a job"?
5.) Artistic - I have a need to produce things of beauty, whether its cross stitching, or coloring, or making a craft. I also have a need to be around things of beauty, and to have an aesthetically pleasing environment. I believe this blog counts as creating something beautiful.
6.) Peace - I have a need to have peacefulness in my thoughts and in my life. This is a rarity, so its quite the treasure when I do capture those fleeting moments it does happen.
7.) Companionship - I have a need for someone I can trust to spend my time with. How is this different than love? This does involve love, but its more than that. It's being involved in each others lives, no matter how messy they get. I guess you can love many people, but when I am talking about a companion, I mean someone specific, that you spend your life with. I guess that's how I would differentiate that.
8.) Understanding - I have a need to be understood. This involves spending time with me, and listening to me, and letting me vent when I need to. And guess what? I might end up understanding you as a bonus! Just kidding... Of course I want to understand you... whoever you are =)
9.) Joyfulness - I have a need to be joyful. This usually involves lots of laughter and being with friends. Of course, its possible to be joyful by myself, but I just find it easier to be joyful around others. There's just something about good company and socializing.
10.) To Find God - Simply put, I have a need to find God. Or as some would say, I have a need for God to find me, which is probably more accurate. Because in finding God, I believe I will find truth, and life, and meaning. I know this one is loaded, but it includes so much, and I couldn't leave it out.
In closing, I will make a note. Its interesting how many of these needs can't be fulfilled without other people being involved. I am not sure any of them can truly be fulfilled by myself alone. Even the artistic need has no meaning if I am the only one who enjoys the product of my efforts. Something to think about. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
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