There is a concept in Emmerson Eggrich's Love and Respect that talks about women having a "Love" hose, and men having a "Respect" hose. The theory goes like this. Women need love like they need air to breath. And men need respect like they need air to breath. So imagine, if you will, that we all have a hose in our hands, and it hooks up to a tank that is titled either "love" if we are a woman, or "respect" if we are a man. What would happen if an elephant were to come in and stand on the woman's "love" air hose? What do you think she would do? She is going to get an Uzi out and shoot that elephant, or get a crane, anything just to get that monstrosity off of her love air hose. What do you think is going to happen if a beautiful gazelle happens to sit on the man's respect air hose? He is going to shove that gazelle right off of his hose, anything so he can breath again. And here is the fundamental problem with male/female relationships. We are all sitting on each others hoses, and we spend most of our time trying to get each other off of our hoses. And I have just summed up why it is so difficult for men and women to stay married or even be just friends.
But I believe I have stumbled upon a whole new level of need, and a whole new dimension to the love and respect thing. I believe there is an air hose that combines both love and respect and its called "understanding". It is the air hose that I primarily focus on these days. It's why Jerry and I gravitated towards each other. Cause when we both needed understanding the most, we mutually gave it to each other in spades. It's why we have a relationship now that is so interconnected, it would be difficult to separate ourselves from each others lives without hurting each other. I am sure it could be done, because we are not leeches. But now, like it or not, Jerry carries a piece of me with himself, and I carry a piece of Jerry with myself. But that's not really the point of this post.
So what is this understanding air hose all about? Good question. Like I said, I think it combines love and respect and gives the recipient both at the same time. I know being someone who suffers from mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, I long, even need understanding more than anything else. Right now, I am getting the most understanding from Jerry. So I like to spend a lot of time with Jerry, cause we as humans are always looking to satisfy our deepest needs. But I will never stop looking for understanding from other places. I find it in bits and pieces, here and there. But when someone flat out refuses to understand me, or even try 1%, I am sorry, but I may have to do something I said I would never do, and that is cut that person out of my life. That doesn't mean they can never come back into my life. But remember that elephant that sat on the woman's love air hose? When someone doesn't understand me, or is just being ignorant and stupid, I become this person I don't like. So I have asked myself why I become this person I don't want to be. It's because I am trying to get the un-understanding buffoon off of my understanding air hose. I want to breath again, and if they are just going to stand or sit on my understanding air hose, you better believe I am going to shove them off.
I know this post isn't very uplifting. But this is becoming a pet peeve of mine. I think it is why I keep blogging so much. I am trying to be understood, by whoever might read this. I know we have physical needs that take over emotional needs, but right now, my physical needs are being met. My emotional needs are practically starving. It's a good thing Jerry is mutually getting from me what I get from him, otherwise our relationship would feel lopsided. I hope we all continue talking to each other and never stop trying to reach new levels of understanding of each other, ourselves, our world, and God. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
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