I may do 2 posts today, seeing as I have 2 topics I want to address. But I will just start with this one. I have told you all a lot about the trials I have faced in my life. I think it's time to tell you what is going good in my life. After all, if I truly want to remove the stigma of mental illness, I have to tell all of you why we aren't crazy all the time, right? Here is the very real truth about mental illness: We are just like everyone else, we just have this struggle called mental illness that makes life very challenging to navigate sometimes. We deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and not be laughed at when someone makes a "crazy" joke. It's not funny people, and it burns me up when people think it is. The other thing you should know about the mentally ill is that not only can they recover, they can do it famously and even succeed beyond some "normal" people. If I may use Jerry as a shining example of this, I will. Sure he is still on disability, but he is out there doing his own business of juggling and he does fabulously well at it. Do you know how hard it is to juggle? Yeah, try it and then maybe you will know. I have tried it. I can barely juggle 2 balls. I have such respect for the art of juggling. Jerry makes it look effortless. All this is to say that the mentally ill can not only succeed, but exceed your expectations.
So what is going good for me? When I first got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, its like I told all of you. My friends pretty much abandoned me. And I isolated from the ones who didn't. Sure I still went to church and made appearances once in awhile, but over all, I was a recluse. I didn't want people getting to know weird "manic" Crystal or depressed Crystal. I missed my normal self and thats the only person I wanted anyone to see. It has been freeing for me to realize that "normal" Crystal is never coming back, and that I have had to get used to this new Crystal. So now what is awesome in my life is that I have many friends. And I am realizing that I have a knack for making new friends. On top of that, I am being pretty open about my mental illness and its not scaring them away. This whole honesty thing is really working for me, so I am going to keep doing it. I think God is honoring it. It's why I am being so open with all of you in my blog. You may believe that I am being too open, but I am going to keep putting this stuff out there until the day stigma disappears. And I will probably keep doing it after that.
What else is good in my life? I am talking again, and talking a lot. This is no small thing. For a good period of time, I wouldn't tell anyone how I was feeling. I could barely hold my end of the conversation, much less think of interesting things to discuss. It didn't mean I wasn't thinking, cause I was always doing that. It just meant either I didn't know how to verbalize something or I didn't want to talk about anything. This problem still boils down to me not really wanting people to get to know me as I was. But now that I know this new Crystal is here to stay, and that there is no going back to the old Crystal, I figure I might as well enjoy it and figure out who new Crystal is. It's kinda exciting.
I have recently moved in July from a group home in Sterling to a townhouse in Ashburn. It's still under Loudoun County Mental Health, so I still have to see one of their psychiatrists and go to the day program, Friendship House, but the townhouse program is a lot less restrictive, and it suits me just fine. I don't mind Friendship House anymore. In fact, its one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Many of my friends go to Friendship House, and it has opened the door to many opportunities. For all I know, I would still be living with my parents if it wasn't for Friendship House.
I now have a car. I also got that at the beginning of July. It's main purpose is to help me get to school. But it serves as a great tool to get me to social outlets as well. And it will help me in my job, when I get that up and running. I don't know what I did without a car for so long, now that I drive it every day. It truly is a blessing and a privilege to have a car, and I don't take it lightly.
I am going to be a consultant for this company called Thirty-One pretty soon, probably within the next week or so. They sell bags and purses, and some accessories. The outlet they use to do this is through parties, which is right up my ally. I think I am going to love getting in front of people and selling this product, cause I believe in it so much. Performing Arts at Friendship House has really helped me with my stage fright and now its a lot easier for me to do anything in front of people.
I just joined what is called the Garage Band, and like the name implies, they meet in a garage. It's an offshoot of Friendship House, and is mostly about therapy, but we do perform at different venues, mostly that have to do with mental health such as conferences and outreaches. If you know of any good venues for us to perform at, we would love to look into them. Please contact me at: snoefox3@yahoo.com. I love being in this band, and I have only been to 2 practices. I can't wait to keep practicing so I can do a killer performance in front of a bunch of strangers. I look forward to wherever this may lead me.
And probably the biggest thing going on my life right now is that I am finishing up school. If all goes well, which it almost didn't this year due to the mania, I am set to graduate in December. There is talk of there being a huge party for me. Well I may have a smaller party at my house, but it would be nice if someone threw the party for me instead of me doing all the work. And after school is over, I am looking into getting an internship at some company in the accounting field, and then working my way into a company that way. I haven't worked in over 5 years, so I need to build my resume up again I think before anyone will feel good about hiring me. I have come a long way, but I doubt I can convince anyone of that without a track record.
So you see, I may not look like a superstar, but I am doing my best to make something of myself. I believe that recovery is a process we all go through during our lives. We are all in recovery from something, cause life is hard. You don't have to have a mental illness to be in recovery. Have you ever lost someone or something? You are in recovery. Has anyone ever hurt you, or have you ever hurt someone? You are in recovery. The sooner you accept this, the better your life will be. Thank you all for reading this post again. Have a pleasant day. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
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