Adventures in Geekdom!

As the company of my new friends and I, Jersey, entered the caves, all we could see was darkness. We had to leave Dun the dwarf outside the caves, because he was "incapacitated" and would be of no use to us anyway. Warner, the dragon born, stayed with Dun to keep him safe while he recovered. We managed to create some light sources with Tim, the wizards, wand, and some flares that Darius, the gnome, had in his pack. I was filled with apprehension. After all, I am just a human ranger, who hunts game with a bow and arrow. Up until today, I didn't even know these caves were here, and I wouldn't have explored them even if I did. The game I hunt doesn't like dark, confined spaces with no light. Lately, game has been scarce in this area. So I have joined this group to see if they can help me figure out why this might be happening. Plus they seem to know quite a bit about magic, and this interests me greatly. There is one other member of our company. The man-servant of Darius, Clifton. He is a particularly sharp dressed man, very tall and thin. I am not sure what to make of either Darius or Clifton. They seem suspicious at best, and only out for their best interest at worst.

I am not accustomed to danger, but these caves seem rife with just that: danger. The four of us walk into the caves, and immediately come across a flight of stairs. As the light reaches the walls, we see and hear the scurrying of all manner of creatures. They seem to be reacting to the light sources we have with us. When we get to the top of the stairs, I can sense another presence, but I can't tell if it has ill will towards us or not. I tell the company, "There is something in this room besides us". It is just after I say this that Tim yells "Duck!" and then disappears. The next thing I know, I am hearing a crash, and what appears to be a huge piece of statue has obstructed the doorway into the next room. My heart starts to race, and I begin to panic. Clifton begins to push on the piece of statue, so I decide that this is the best action I can take and I decide to help.

"Crystal, roll a D-20. It's time for initiative." Jerry says this with a smile on his face. Any good D&D gaming session will always have an initiative at some point in the session. Jerry started running his campaign again 2 or so weeks ago, and I, Crystal, have been privileged enough to join it. I guess the guys love having a girl around, so it's really a win win situation. When I say that Jerry is running his campaign, I mean he is the DM, or Dungeon Master. He basically has built up a story of how he wants the game to go, and we as the characters work within the parameters he sets up. So the game is sorta flexibly rigid. What I just described above is how I envisioned the beginning of one of these encounters the other players and I had with a couple of "trolls" inside this cave. In reality, this was all happening inside our heads, and we were just saying to the DM what we wanted our characters to do, and then we would roll dice to see how successful we were in our actions.

Let me just say, for any of you who might think Dungeons and Dragons (for that is what I have been playing) is evil, it only is if you let it go evil places. It's just like anything in life. A car might kill you, if you drive it dangerously. You could get into all kinds of trouble on the internet. But these things are also very useful tools. There is nothing innately wrong with D&D, just like nothing is wrong with a car or the internet. It just depends on how you use it. Having said all this, let me just say I am having a great time being a geek with a bunch of like minded guys. It's too bad we can't get more girls interested in this sort of thing. To each their own I guess though. Well, I have no spiritual insight for you in this post. I just wanted to share with you all a piece of my world that I have been involved in for the past several months. I also play other D&D related games such as Where-Wolf. It pretty much follows the same pattern. You just gotta use your imagination. I think these types of games are a great way to exercise the brain. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Giving of Thanks

It seems only fitting on a day called Thanksgiving to devote a post to the giving of thanks. So I am going to do just that. What I am thankful for most in my life right now is my support system. This includes, but is not limited to, friends, family, counselors, staff, psychiatrists, and everyone else who has kept me safe. I suppose this would also include God, because without Him, I am completely lost. I am grateful to be on the Peer Council, and to be part of something that is giving back to others, even if we just keep giving back to ourselves. After all, we are peers too, first and foremost. I am grateful for a program called Friendship House that has done so much for me, and in a lot of ways, helped me get as far along in my recovery as I am today.

I am thankful just to be alive. I know there are many times when this life might have ended, and perhaps there are times when it almost ended that I don't know about. Suffice it to say, I am grateful for every breath I take and every moment I get to enjoy on this planet. I am thankful for all the pain I have experienced in my life. This may seem like an odd thing to be thankful for, but all my experiences have made me the person I am today, so I must be thankful for the pain as well. It is the fastest teacher I will ever know. I am thankful to have found a church that I can call my church family in Harvest Christian Fellowship. I have never felt this way about any church, and it is refreshing to have finally found it.

And back to you, dear friends. I am most thankful for all of you. You keep me grounded, and sane. I know I can rely on my true friends for a kind word, or a hug, or jut a listening ear.  I hope we all stay friends for life. Let's continue to walk's life path together, and take whatever life throws at us in stride. I love all you guys and girls so much! Have a happy Thanksgiving! Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Daughter of the King

This post's topic is a special request by a dear friend of mine, so I am going to address it now. He wanted me to talk about what it means to me to be the daughter of God. So since God is King of everything, I have titled this post "Daughter of the King". So if God is the King, and I am His daughter, I guess that would mean I am a princess, and not in a snooty way, but in a royalty sort of way.

If you haven't noticed from my blog yet, I will just tell you. I have felt a special connection to God since I gave Jesus my heart when I was only 4. Maybe I have already mentioned that, but it is worth repeating. Ever since then, I knew I was God's little princess, or His valued treasure. As such, He has been very protective of me, not wanting His treasure to be tarnished. This doesn't mean He ever took away my free will or power to choose my own way. I know this is not the case for everyone, but it seems that I don't get away with any sin that I might try to commit. I am differentiating between mistakes and sins here. Whats the difference? Well, to me, a sin is more about intent and purposefully doing something to hurt someone else or yourself. Mistakes are just the bumbling things we humans do as we go through this life. For example, a sin is flat out looking your mother in the face and telling her you didn't break the lamp, when you really did. A mistake is not studying hard enough for a test and then failing it miserably.

 I have done my fair share of sins and mistakes. So what do I mean when I say that God doesn't let me get away with sins? I mean that He usually lets me get caught in the act of the sin, or that the consequences to my sin are so severe, it makes me think twice before I ever would consider doing it again. To me, instead of this being a sign that God has a big stick and is after me all the time, ready to pounce on me anytime I sin, this shows me that God loves me immensely. I would say that the biggest road block God has placed in my life to truly committing a "big" sin (although I do not believe in rating sins) is my own conscience. I see things so much in black and white, right and wrong, that it's hard for me to live in any grey areas and to think that things could be any other way.

Another protection God has placed in my life is my family and my Evangelical Christian upbringing. I have learned more about the Bible from my father than from any one pastor or church. For that, I will always be grateful. And my mother is the person who led me to the Lord when I was only 4. She prayed the "sinner's" prayer with me, and I knew from that point on I was "born again". For those of you who don't know what this terminology means, I guess I will have to write a post about it some day. Suffice it to say that this means I know Jesus is by my side every day, interested in every aspect of my life, and He will never leave me.

So now that I have told you how God has been protecting me, I guess I should get back on topic. I believe I was mentioning this special connection I have to God. I can usually tell how He feels about me at any given moment if I concentrate hard enough. For example, He is usually smiling at me. There have been times when I lost that connected feeling, and all I felt was guilt. Guilt about my thought life, guilt about things I wanted to do, just guilt in general. But I now know that God wasn't placing that guilt on me. I was getting that from either other people's perceptions of me, or just my own twisted perception of myself. In God's eyes, I am whole and complete in Jesus, and I don't need to do anything else but just be. There is such freedom in this. Now I want to serve my King, not because I have to earn my way into heaven, but because its a joy to serve the one who saved me and loves me unconditionally.

Overall, being the daughter of the King is a joyous experience. And its like being in my true home wherever I go. God knows I have tried to rebel and walk away from Him many many times. But He keeps lovingly bringing me back to Himself. I don't even get one foot outside the fence before he wraps the crook of His staff around me and tenderly draws me back to Himself. I believe that once He wins you over, He never lets you go, no matter how hard you may rebel against Him. I know my heart just in this past year has been dead set on leaving God. And within a matter of weeks, if not days, God softened my heart and just had me falling in love with Him all over again. I can't even begin to describe what that is like. I can try though. It's like a warm blanket you never want to leave on a rainy day. It's like you just know that in God's arms, its the only place you will ever be truly safe and at home.

There may come a time when my heart rebels against God again. It is my nature to do this. But at the very depths of my soul, God and I are so connected, we can never truly be separated. I am confident now that I need not do anything else except bask in God's presence to be accepted by Him and to go to heaven some day. I know being with God has always been my true destiny, and God wants that even more than I do, so it's going to happen. And to be with God, I know, will fulfill the deepest longings of my heart in the here and now, as well as some day in the future, as long as I keep looking to God for my source of hope. I hope this post ministers to you all. Because the truth is, God, and spirituality, these are the single most important things in my life. They take precedent over any other relationship, or any other issue. My whole life has been about God and church. True hope is found in God. I hope you all find this true hope and peace some day. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Understanding Air Hose

There is a concept in Emmerson Eggrich's Love and Respect that talks about women having a "Love" hose, and men having a "Respect" hose. The theory goes like this. Women need love like they need air to breath. And men need respect like they need air to breath. So imagine, if you will, that we all have a hose in our hands, and it hooks up to a tank that is titled either "love" if we are a woman, or "respect" if we are a man. What would happen if an elephant were to come in and stand on the woman's "love" air hose? What do you think she would do? She is going to get an Uzi out and shoot that elephant, or get a crane, anything just to get that monstrosity off of her love air hose. What do you think is going to happen if a beautiful gazelle happens to sit on the man's respect air hose? He is going to shove that gazelle right off of his hose, anything so he can breath again. And here is the fundamental problem with male/female relationships. We are all sitting on each others hoses, and we spend most of our time trying to get each other off of our hoses. And I have just summed up why it is so difficult for men and women to stay married or even be just friends.

But I believe I have stumbled upon a whole new level of need, and a whole new dimension to the love and respect thing. I believe there is an air hose that combines both love and respect and its called "understanding". It is the air hose that I primarily focus on these days. It's why Jerry and I gravitated towards each other. Cause when we both needed understanding the most, we mutually gave it to each other in spades. It's why we have a relationship now that is so interconnected, it would be difficult to separate ourselves from each others lives without hurting each other. I am sure it could be done, because we are not leeches. But now, like it or not, Jerry carries a piece of me with himself, and I carry a piece of Jerry with myself. But that's not really the point of this post.

So what is this understanding air hose all about? Good question. Like I said, I think it combines love and respect and gives the recipient both at the same time. I know being someone who suffers from mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, I long, even need understanding more than anything else. Right now, I am getting the most understanding from Jerry. So I like to spend a lot of time with Jerry, cause we as humans are always looking to satisfy our deepest needs. But I will never stop looking for understanding from other places. I find it in bits and pieces, here and there. But when someone flat out refuses to understand me, or even try 1%, I am sorry, but I may have to do something I said I would never do, and that is cut that person out of my life. That doesn't mean they can never come back into my life. But remember that elephant that sat on the woman's love air hose? When someone doesn't understand me, or is just being ignorant and stupid, I become this person I don't like. So I have asked myself why I become this person I don't want to be. It's because I am trying to get the un-understanding buffoon off of my understanding air hose. I want to breath again, and if they are just going to stand or sit on my understanding air hose, you better believe I am going to shove them off.

I know this post isn't very uplifting. But this is becoming a pet peeve of mine. I think it is why I keep blogging so much. I am trying to be understood, by whoever might read this. I know we have physical needs that take over emotional needs, but right now, my physical needs are being met. My emotional needs are practically starving. It's a good thing Jerry is mutually getting from me what I get from him, otherwise our relationship would feel lopsided. I hope we all continue talking to each other and never stop trying to reach new levels of understanding of each other, ourselves, our world, and God. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

The Broken Girl

I am the Broken Girl. I am going to put a song up here now, and I want you to pay very close attention to the lyrics. As the song goes on, I will insert comments, and I will have some final comments at the end. You can assume away about what it is talking about. I will only give you some clues about what it means to me. I would say enjoy, but it is a tear jerker of a song. First time I heard it, I cried. Here we go.

Look what he's done to you
It isn't fair
Your light was bright and new
But he didn't care
He took the heart of a little girl
And made it grow up too fast


- Ok, every time you see a dash, its me, Crystal talking again. I am going to take this whole stanza head on. Just in case you can't figure it out, this is talking about a man abusing a little girl, whatever that means to you. And it could mean all manner of abuse. The result is she grows up too fast. This is the story of my life, folks. I am the Broken Girl. -

Now words like "innocence"
Don't mean a thing
You hear the music play
But you can't sing
Those pictures in your mind
Keep you locked up inside your past

- When a girl, or any child is a abused, it wrecks their view of the world. They are no longer "innocent" little children, and in a real sense they are shackled to their past, with images of things they don't want to remember always flashing through their minds. I am the Broken Girl -


This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don't have to stay the broken girl

- Now this is the chorus. So now you see why I picked this song to share with all of you. This song is for me. The world, in a real sense had pushed me aside and was cold and cruel. It made me feel like I had no value and was worthless. But the world, or anyone, can't steal the love of God away. And in the end, I don't have to stay the broken girl. Yet, still, I am the Broken Girl. -


Those damaged goods you see
In your reflection
Love sees them differently
Love sees perfection
A beautiful display
Of healing on the way tonight
Tonight

- For the longest time, when I saw myself in the mirror, all I saw was ugliness and someone who had nothing to offer. When I began to see myself through God's eyes, I saw how beautiful I am to Him. So you see, I may say I am conceited, but its really not that at all. It's really knowing how God sees me. I am the Broken Girl -


This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don't have to stay the broken girl

- This is just the chorus again, and I already talked about this. I am the Broken Girl. -


Let your tears touch to the ground
Lay your shattered pieces down
And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl
And put her back together again

- I believe I am a shattered mess right now. But I believe God has already healed huge pieces of myself, and is in the process of putting this broken girl back together again. It may take into eternity to accomplish this. But I am willing to go through the process. And God is the master craftsman. He can make anything broken healed and beautiful once again. I am the Broken Girl. -


This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You're not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don't have to stay the broken girl
You don't have to stay the broken girl 

- Again, this is just the chorus.  I am the Broken Girl -

Ok, so the song is over now. Why do I keep repeating that I am the broken girl? I need you all to understand that everything else, my whole life played out from a place of complete and utter brokenness. If God has used my life for anything up to this point, it is show others how they can, in the midst of great adversity and pain and  trial, always get back up on their feet and try to make things better again. I will never give up trying to improve myself. My life started out terrible and hard and tragic. But I don't have to finish that way. I can be all that God wants me to be, and so can you. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Status Update

I may do 2 posts today, seeing as I have 2 topics I want to address. But I will just start with this one. I have told you all a lot about the trials I have faced in my life. I think it's time to tell you what is going good in my life. After all, if I truly want to remove  the stigma of mental illness, I have to tell all of you why we aren't crazy all the time, right? Here is the very real truth about mental illness: We are just like everyone else, we just have this struggle called mental illness that makes life very challenging to navigate sometimes. We deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and not be laughed at when someone makes a "crazy" joke. It's not funny people, and it burns me up when people think it is. The other thing you should know about the mentally ill is that not only can they recover, they can do it famously and even succeed beyond some "normal" people. If I may use Jerry as a shining example of this, I will. Sure he is still on disability, but he is out there doing his own business of juggling and he does fabulously well at it. Do you know how hard it is to juggle? Yeah, try it and then maybe you will know. I have tried it. I can barely juggle 2 balls. I have such respect for the art of juggling. Jerry makes it look effortless. All this is to say that the mentally ill can not only succeed, but exceed your expectations.

So what is going good for me? When I first got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, its like I told all of you. My friends pretty much abandoned me. And I isolated from  the ones who didn't. Sure I still went to church and made appearances once in awhile, but over all, I was a recluse. I didn't want people getting to know weird "manic" Crystal or depressed Crystal. I missed my normal self and thats the only person I wanted anyone to see. It has been freeing for me to realize that "normal" Crystal is never coming back, and that I have had to get used to this new Crystal. So now what is awesome in my life is that I have many friends. And I am realizing that I have a knack for making new friends. On top of  that, I am being pretty open about my mental illness and its not scaring them away. This whole honesty thing is really working for me, so I am going to keep doing it. I think God is honoring it. It's why I am being so open with all of you in my blog. You may believe that I am being too open, but I am going to keep putting this stuff out there until the day stigma disappears. And I will probably keep doing it after that.

What else is good in my life? I am talking again, and talking a lot. This is no small thing. For a good period of time, I wouldn't tell anyone how I was feeling. I could barely hold my end of the conversation, much less think of interesting things to discuss. It didn't mean I wasn't thinking, cause I was always doing that. It just meant either I didn't know how to verbalize something or I didn't want to talk about anything. This problem still boils down to me not really wanting people to get to know me as I was. But now that I know this new Crystal is here to stay, and that there is no going back to the old Crystal, I figure I might as well enjoy it and figure out who new Crystal is. It's kinda exciting.

I have recently moved in July from a group home in Sterling to a townhouse in Ashburn. It's still under Loudoun County Mental Health, so I still have to see one of their psychiatrists and go to the day program, Friendship House, but the townhouse program is a lot less restrictive, and it suits me just fine. I don't mind Friendship House anymore. In fact, its one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Many of my friends go to Friendship House, and it has opened the door to many opportunities. For all I know, I would still be living with my parents if it wasn't for Friendship House.

I now have a car. I also got that at the beginning of July. It's main purpose is to help me get to school. But it serves as a great tool to get me to social outlets as well. And it will help me in my job, when I get that up and running. I don't know what I did without a car for so long, now that I drive it every day. It truly is a blessing and a privilege to have a car, and I don't take it lightly.

I am going to be a consultant for this company called Thirty-One pretty soon, probably within the next week or so. They sell bags and purses, and some accessories. The outlet they use to do this is through parties, which is right up my ally. I think I am going to love getting in front of people and selling this product, cause I believe in it so much. Performing Arts at Friendship House has really helped me with my stage fright and now its a lot easier for me to do anything in front of people.

I just joined what is called the Garage Band, and like the name implies, they meet in a garage. It's an offshoot of Friendship House, and is mostly about therapy, but we do perform at different venues, mostly that have to do with mental health such as conferences and outreaches. If you know of any good venues for us to perform at, we would love to look into them. Please contact me at: snoefox3@yahoo.com. I love being in this band, and I have only been to 2 practices. I can't wait to keep practicing so I can do a killer performance in front of a bunch of strangers. I look forward to wherever this may lead me.

And probably the biggest thing going on my life right now is that I am finishing up school. If all goes well, which it almost didn't this year due to the mania, I am set to graduate in December. There is talk of there being a huge party for me. Well I may have a smaller party at my house, but it would be nice if someone threw the party for me instead of me doing all the work. And after school is over, I am looking into getting an internship at some company in the accounting field, and then working my way into a company that way. I haven't worked in over 5 years, so I need to build my resume up again I think before anyone will feel good about hiring me. I have come a long way, but I doubt I can convince anyone of that without a track record.

So you see, I may not look like a superstar, but I am doing my best to make something of myself. I believe that recovery is a process we all go through during our lives. We are all in recovery from something, cause life is hard. You don't have to have a mental illness to be in recovery. Have you ever lost someone or something? You are in recovery. Has anyone ever hurt you, or have you ever hurt someone? You are in recovery. The sooner you accept this, the better your life will be. Thank you all for reading this post again. Have a pleasant day. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Birthday Bash

This years birthday for me was the best I ever had, for multiple reasons. For those of you who don't know, my birthday falls on October 21st. So I just turned 33 about 3 weeks ago, today. So why was this birthday so special for me? For one thing, I just had to show up and do what I do best, and that is entertain people. I am in my element when I am hosting parties. I don't know what it is, but there is something about the music, and the conversation, and people mingling that gets me excited, and I just get into the groove. My friends wouldn't let me contribute anything food wise to the party, so instead what I contributed was a little bit of entertainment. I sang 2 songs. I am finding that I love to sing in front of people and entertain them.

But the main entertainment for my party was Jerry. That's what he does best. He just loves to be in front of people and entertain them. He was the DJ, MC, and he put on a juggling show. And he had fun doing it. So even though he was technically working, he loves what he does, so it feels like play to him. For all this entertainment package, I bought Jerry a nice Olive Garden dinner. Just saying, if you are friends with Jerry, he will put a show on for you, and it will be awesome. The cost is a dinner or lunch or some free meal for him though.

Well, as spectacular as Jerry's show was, and as fun as it was for me to entertain everyone with my singing and be embarrassed by opening presents in front of everyone, that wasn't my favorite part of my party. The best part of the party was when everyone went around the room, introduced themselves and said at least one thing they liked or loved about me. It's what I asked for, and really the only thing I wanted for my birthday.  I was truly touched by what everyone had to share, and intrigued by what everyone said they saw in me. Then I got to go around the room and tell everyone how I felt about them, and what I thought was awesome about them. I think that was the best party favor I could have given them, and it didn't cost anything but time and thought. That's the main reason this was the best birthday ever.

Wouldn't it be awesome if on a regular basis we told each other what nice things we saw in each other? What if we built each other up instead of tearing each other down? We could all be a kind word away from ending a feud, or we could be a breath away from giving or receiving forgiveness. I am convinced that words are powerful and  they can be used to heal or destroy. If you love someone, you should tell them, even if you know they don't love you. You never know when your last day, or someone else's last day on this planet is going to be. Give someone a hug today. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Joan of Arc

I have been told I am like Joan of Arc. I have another friend that told me she was equated to Joan of Arc too. Well, my dear, and you know who you are, that just shows how much we think alike, and I think that is awesome. We are truly kindred spirits. It has taken me a long time to process what my dear friend meant went she called me a Joan of Arc persona. I am not going to give you very much of a history lesson. All I am going to say is that Joan of Arc was a woman who was fighting for the freedom of her people. Oh, and she heard voices and had visions....sounds a bit like mental illness? Maybe, maybe not. I didn't have mental illness back when my friend dubbed me a Joan of Arc type. So why did my friend see Joan of Arc in me? Because I honestly didn't even see it... but I am beginning to.

Joan of Arc fought for what she believed in to the point of being burned at the stake. She did it with swords and men and battles. She fought for freedom and justice. I am not fighting any wars. We have religious freedom in America. I don't need to tell any dictators to leave my people alone or let my people go. So what am I fighting for? And what have I been fighting for my whole life? I have always had a strong sense of truth and right and wrong. It isn't until recently I have allowed grey to enter my world as being a possible truth too. And the idea that you can "cross" the line and still be ok with God is something new I am entertaining too. But until this point, its been if you hurt someone, BOOM! Fire should rain on your head. So how am I fighting? Well, this blog certainly didn't start out this way, but I think its turning into somewhat of a fighting tool. What do I mean? I want freedom, mostly for myself, and then for all of you as well. I want it so much, that I keep putting myself out there for you guys to read about every day. I may never change the world through this blog. I may not ever convince you that I am right about anything I am saying. But if I can get even one of you, or just myself thinking in a new way, I have done what I came here to do.

Right now I think you all keep coming back to read this blog because its new, its somewhat shocking and its interesting. I say things you have been dying to hear like sex is not dirty, and purity is not as hard to achieve as you think it is. I tell you its easier to get to heaven then you think, and that God loves you more than you can imagine. And I share my own personal experiences. I am just being real folks, and telling you what I honestly believe. I know it doesn't always fit into any one religious package. Not all the Evangelicals are going to agree with me, and God knows I don't fit into any other religion. But I am not even fighting to promote Evangelical Christianity. I promote Jesus, God, and His truth. That's it. If what I understand about that truth doesn't fit into what I have been told it means, I am not going to tell you about it.

But the point of all this is, I want us all to be truly free. The Bible says that we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free. Free from what? Free from the binding effects of lies. Every time you believe a lie about something, it puts you in bondage. If you think, for example, that holding onto your anger is going to hurt the person who hurt you, you are sadly mistaken. It will only hurt you. If you think that you should never forgive someone because what they did is unforgivable, you can do that, but you will never know true freedom. That person will always have power over you. If you believe that your life should be all about fun and pleasure, and screw everything else, well the Bible says you are dead while you yet live. Yikes! I don't want to be a walking dead woman. I want to live life to the fullest.

These are just examples of some more topics I can talk about more in depth. I am full of topics, don't worry about that. Just if you ever get mad about something I have said, or it rubs you the wrong way, all I ask is that you resist the urge to get out your kindling and sticks of dynamite. I don't really want to get burned at the stake. I am not going to stop writing this blog, even if I knew there was a bonfire waiting for me at the end of it. That's highly unlikely since I can't be arrested for speaking my mind unless I threaten someone. I have the Freedom of Speech right here in the greatest country ever, America. So keep reading. I will keep making it interesting. I speak from the heart and what has been placed in my mind over the years. Oh, and one more thing I am fighting for. To remove the stigma of mental illness. The mentally ill are just like everyone else, their brains just misfire once in awhile. And they are not their mental illness, just like someone with diabetes is not their diabetes. It's just a problem they will have the rest of their lives. Well, that's my plug for that. Have a great day! Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander

Purity

Now I am going to talk about something near and dear to my heart. Of course, I don't write about anything that is not near and dear to my heart. But I named my entire blog after this topic, so now it's time to address it properly. What is purity? I know what context you are all thinking of this in... sexual purity. Ok, so lets go there first. I have already written a post about sex, so you know I am not afraid to go there.

What is sexual purity? Well, actually I want to pause this part of the topic and rewind a bit. I need to define purity, for my own peace of my mind, before I continue any further down this path. The Bible teaches (and no, I am not going to look the verses up) that to the pure in heart, all things are pure. But to those who are defiled in mind, nothing is pure. Why would it say that to the pure in heart, all things are pure? I think that's exactly what it means. It never enters the brain of a pure in heart person that something could defile their innocent minds. So hear me on this. Even when they make a sexual joke or make some innuendo, it's coming from a pure place, and they are just having fun. So laugh, cause its still good clean fun. You think I am joking? I'm not. Now, why does it say if you are defiled, nothing is pure? Again, I think that's exactly what it means. If your mind is full of filth, you can't imagine that a sexual joke could possibly be pure. So you may ascribe evil intentions to the person telling the joke or call them "dirty boy" or "dirty girl". But the person telling the joke didn't mean anything by it. If you take it the wrong way, that says more about you and your filthy mind than it does about the one telling the "inappropriate" joke.

What else could it mean to be pure? We talk about water being pure. That mean it doesn't have any impurities in it. Now that sounds redundant. But if you drop one micro-organism in a glass of water, the water is no longer pure. It is tainted. And you can't even see a micro-organism. That means you can be defiled without knowing you are. What does this mean for purity? It is very difficult to stay the pure in heart when you live in this impure world. How can it be done? I am developing a theory.

Purity of heart is a state of mind. That's my theory. So whether you are listening to someone tell a "naughty" joke, or you're watching a G rated movie, it's all the same to you. You are like a child, laughing at all of it. And who can blame you? Sex can be just as funny as Thumper saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". Doesn't that just take the pressure off this whole staying pure thing? I thought you would like my train of thought here.

So now, sexual purity. What does that even mean? I am going to tread lightly here. I am not going to give you a line that you can't cross or you're a "bad" person. I am just going to say don't do what you aren't comfortable with. I can give you the Bible's standard which is basically no sex outside of a marriage covenant. I am not a preacher, so I am just going to say use your own judgement and be wise. But stay the pure in heart, if at all possible.

There are other aspects of purity. It's important to have purity of thought, purity of heart, purity of body. But they all seem to relate to sex for some reason. Please leave a comment if you disagree with me on this. You may be the one person out there who just doesn't think about sex. But I would say to you, you are probably an alien from a planet no one has ever heard of. Anyway, I will leave you with this thought. The Bible tells us to think on whatever things are pure, among other things. I think this is how we cleanse the micro-organisms out of the water of our minds and hearts, as it were. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.

by: Crystal Nylander