If you had a gun to your head and you were asked to, right now, rattle off just ten things that you NEED in your life to feel whole, or the person holding that gun was going to pull the trigger, and your brains would be all over the wall, would you be able to do it? Ok, so most of us will never find ourselves in this situation. But I was asked this question just a few months ago. And I was dumb-founded. I might as well have been a deer in the head lights. At least, I am sure that's what I looked like to my friend who asked me this question. Ever since this question has been put into my brain, I have been pondering it, not at a constant rate, but more like at a simmer. And just now, I finally came up with ten things that I feel I need out of this life to feel whole.
Now the reasons it took me so long to come up with just ten needs (I am sure there are more) are interesting. I wonder if any of you have the same problem. I am by dysfunction, a people pleaser. This is not a good thing, not by my estimation. We are taught in our society to be "selfless", that its bad to think about yourself, and that you should put everyone elses' needs above your own. Or maybe that's just how it is in the Christian community. Well pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but if I have something seriously wrong with me, shouldn't I take care of my injuries first, whether they be internal or external, before worrying about whether other people are comfortable or not? This has started to become glaringly clear to me, as a person who suffers with mental health difficulties. You can't see the battle that wages inside my head, but it is very real. And trust me, I will be of no use to you, if I don't take care of the fight that is going inside my own head first.
So with no further ado, I will now disclose to you the ten needs I came up with. Keep in mind that this has taken months of pondering, and is the main reason why you all haven't seen a blog from me since November. I kinda lost focus on other thoughts. That's my story and I am sticking to it ;) Oh, and these aren't really in order of importance. They are just in the order they came to me. Enjoy!
1.) Love - I need to feel loved and I need to give love. This seems to be the most obvious one, so that's why it goes first. It's actually quite complex though when it comes to practicing it. Why? Because love always involves another person, and when you add another person to the equation, well you can't predict what they are going to do. You have to make yourself vulnerable to the other person, and they may not give you what you need in the end. I don't know if this is the scariest need to have, but it is up there.
2.) Compliments - I didn't know how else to title this need. It's a need to have my inner most qualities, the things that make me special, noticed. It's more than just the obvious "oh you have beautiful hair" or "pretty eyes", or even "Wow, I love you personality", compliments. It's a need to feel attractive, beautiful, and perhaps even wanted. It's a need to be important. If you can think of a better way to title this need, I am open to your suggestions.
3.) Honesty - I have a need to be honest and truthful, my true self, with those I trust. It's not always pretty, but sometimes its glorious, and I have a need to show it all. It makes me feel icky when I can't be that way with people. The flip side of this need, or the other side of the coin to this need is this: I have a need for those I trust to be honest and truthful with me. I have a need to see their true selves too. I must say, honestly, not many have done that.
4.) Purpose - I have a need to feel purposeful in this world. I think this is a pretty universal need, but I won't speak for you. It just seems to be one of those things that makes the world go round. Why else would it be that one of the first questions we ask each other be "What do you do for work?" and that we kinda feel sheepish when we say, "I'm looking for a job"?
5.) Artistic - I have a need to produce things of beauty, whether its cross stitching, or coloring, or making a craft. I also have a need to be around things of beauty, and to have an aesthetically pleasing environment. I believe this blog counts as creating something beautiful.
6.) Peace - I have a need to have peacefulness in my thoughts and in my life. This is a rarity, so its quite the treasure when I do capture those fleeting moments it does happen.
7.) Companionship - I have a need for someone I can trust to spend my time with. How is this different than love? This does involve love, but its more than that. It's being involved in each others lives, no matter how messy they get. I guess you can love many people, but when I am talking about a companion, I mean someone specific, that you spend your life with. I guess that's how I would differentiate that.
8.) Understanding - I have a need to be understood. This involves spending time with me, and listening to me, and letting me vent when I need to. And guess what? I might end up understanding you as a bonus! Just kidding... Of course I want to understand you... whoever you are =)
9.) Joyfulness - I have a need to be joyful. This usually involves lots of laughter and being with friends. Of course, its possible to be joyful by myself, but I just find it easier to be joyful around others. There's just something about good company and socializing.
10.) To Find God - Simply put, I have a need to find God. Or as some would say, I have a need for God to find me, which is probably more accurate. Because in finding God, I believe I will find truth, and life, and meaning. I know this one is loaded, but it includes so much, and I couldn't leave it out.
In closing, I will make a note. Its interesting how many of these needs can't be fulfilled without other people being involved. I am not sure any of them can truly be fulfilled by myself alone. Even the artistic need has no meaning if I am the only one who enjoys the product of my efforts. Something to think about. Just more thoughts from the mind of Crystal.
by: Crystal Nylander
